Sorry for this in advance because I realise how it's going to come across. It's hit home tonight how much I'm struggling at the minute though and I guess this is a last resort. I'm in my first year of university (college for you guys in the US).
Few things. Earlier this year, I split up with my ex. I've played rugby since being 8 years old and up until the start of the year I was playing at a high level. The relationship was long distance but I focused too much on rugby and exams and I didn't give her what she deserved. I'm still kicking myself for losing her and knowing what she's been up to since (sleeping around) has really got to me. She had major anxiety issues and needs attention in her life. I guess I need to forgive myself but I don't know how.
I took it really badly and I stopped caring. Rugby meant everything to me for a long time but I lost that drive because of what happened and I stopped training and playing. My diet went out the window and I couldn't bring myself to do any of it. For weeks on end I didn't even pick up a rugby ball and I started going out a lot. I got involved with the wrong people and I'm surprised I even got into uni at all tbh.
Anyway I thought I'd play at uni so I went along. I told them who I'd played for and things like that but I was awful. My passing was horrible and I dropped the ball a few times. I felt slow, weak and like I was letting everyone down. It was horrible but it was my own fault. I'm a fly Half and for first time I hid. I didn't want the ball and I just wanted to get off the pitch. I went to my room after the game and I thought about my ex and how pathetic I was and it just all came down on me.
I know you need that motivation to come from yourself but I need some guidance on how I sort this all out. Up until the break up rugby was my life and I want to get back in that team and sort myself out. Any advice on how I should approach this would be really appreciated. I just wanted to put this out there really and get it off my chest. Thanks guys.
Few things. Earlier this year, I split up with my ex. I've played rugby since being 8 years old and up until the start of the year I was playing at a high level. The relationship was long distance but I focused too much on rugby and exams and I didn't give her what she deserved. I'm still kicking myself for losing her and knowing what she's been up to since (sleeping around) has really got to me. She had major anxiety issues and needs attention in her life. I guess I need to forgive myself but I don't know how.
I took it really badly and I stopped caring. Rugby meant everything to me for a long time but I lost that drive because of what happened and I stopped training and playing. My diet went out the window and I couldn't bring myself to do any of it. For weeks on end I didn't even pick up a rugby ball and I started going out a lot. I got involved with the wrong people and I'm surprised I even got into uni at all tbh.
Anyway I thought I'd play at uni so I went along. I told them who I'd played for and things like that but I was awful. My passing was horrible and I dropped the ball a few times. I felt slow, weak and like I was letting everyone down. It was horrible but it was my own fault. I'm a fly Half and for first time I hid. I didn't want the ball and I just wanted to get off the pitch. I went to my room after the game and I thought about my ex and how pathetic I was and it just all came down on me.
I know you need that motivation to come from yourself but I need some guidance on how I sort this all out. Up until the break up rugby was my life and I want to get back in that team and sort myself out. Any advice on how I should approach this would be really appreciated. I just wanted to put this out there really and get it off my chest. Thanks guys.
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