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<blockquote data-quote="captainamerica" data-source="post: 90345"><p>goth, haven't really spoken to you as i'm erratically on here but i stumbled upon your thread and i thought i'd throw in my two cents, which should be taken with a king-sized grain of salt because i am a human being and do not have all the answers.</p><p></p><p>i've been married nearly 6 years. </p><p>met her when i was 22, she was 19. </p><p>we were together 3 years before getting married, 1 of which (early on) was spent as a long distance relationship due to the magical immigration laws our countries (yours and mine) have.</p><p>we plan on having children someday.</p><p></p><p>so . . . </p><p></p><p><u>don't.</u></p><p></p><p>or rather, not yet.</p><p></p><p></p><p>marriage is fantastic.</p><p> </p><p>i love my wife more than i ever thought i could love anything on this earth. and the love i have for her continues to grow and it's really great and strange and brilliant.</p><p></p><p>but to think that this wonderful commitment, that this chest-swelling bond would be wasted on two young people such as yourselves is even more puzzling. and offensive.</p><p></p><p>you're 18, she's 16.</p><p></p><p>now, i've never claimed to be the brightest bulb or the fastest to develop, but i'm hoping there's going to be a whole lotta life-altering experiences that will happen to both of you before you're 25. </p><p></p><p>unplanned, odd and formative things tend to happen between the ages of 20 - 25. </p><p>they just do.</p><p></p><p>some of which might include university, travelling and orgies.</p><p>changes might include ideals, goals and lifestyles.</p><p></p><p>if you can experience these together -- fantastic. that'll be a big test in your relationship. </p><p></p><p>but marriage isn't a test.</p><p>and it is not a public and concrete way to display love -- that's the stuff of american sitcoms.</p><p> </p><p>it's very personal.</p><p>and for it to work, you both have got to have a better idea of yourselves, which (unfortunately in your current state of zealousness) only Time can do.</p><p></p><p>more than 18 (and 16) years on this silly earth can stamp on your being.</p><p></p><p>you've found each other -- that's a triumph in itself. well done.</p><p></p><p>you've been together 3 months (is that correct?) and i assume you're not living together?</p><p>if this is true, then that is just dumb. and needs to change. </p><p></p><p>and you want to have kids when she turns 17?</p><p>kids having kids . . .</p><p></p><p>well first off, you fool, where's the goddamn honeymoon? and balls to the notion that a honeymoon is a week in ibizia -- i'm still on my honeymoon. </p><p>when are you going to spend time with <em>her</em>, just <em>her</em>, get to know <em>her</em>, <em>explore</em> her?</p><p></p><p>how are you going to do that with a mewling cabbage-headed, **** and **** factory screaming it's lungs out?</p><p></p><p>be selfish. be selfish for and with her.</p><p>there is more to discover in the both of you than you can possibly understand.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>goth, remember: please, take all that i've said with a huge grain of salt. </p><p>i'm american, and therefore prone to talk out of my ass.</p><p>i can be very full of ****.</p><p></p><p>i don't know you from adam, or what you and your life is like.</p><p>i don't know what you've been through, what you're going through, or what the future holds.</p><p></p><p>don't get married now. don't have kids now. there is no rush.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="captainamerica, post: 90345"] goth, haven't really spoken to you as i'm erratically on here but i stumbled upon your thread and i thought i'd throw in my two cents, which should be taken with a king-sized grain of salt because i am a human being and do not have all the answers. i've been married nearly 6 years. met her when i was 22, she was 19. we were together 3 years before getting married, 1 of which (early on) was spent as a long distance relationship due to the magical immigration laws our countries (yours and mine) have. we plan on having children someday. so . . . [u]don't.[/u] or rather, not yet. marriage is fantastic. i love my wife more than i ever thought i could love anything on this earth. and the love i have for her continues to grow and it's really great and strange and brilliant. but to think that this wonderful commitment, that this chest-swelling bond would be wasted on two young people such as yourselves is even more puzzling. and offensive. you're 18, she's 16. now, i've never claimed to be the brightest bulb or the fastest to develop, but i'm hoping there's going to be a whole lotta life-altering experiences that will happen to both of you before you're 25. unplanned, odd and formative things tend to happen between the ages of 20 - 25. they just do. some of which might include university, travelling and orgies. changes might include ideals, goals and lifestyles. if you can experience these together -- fantastic. that'll be a big test in your relationship. but marriage isn't a test. and it is not a public and concrete way to display love -- that's the stuff of american sitcoms. it's very personal. and for it to work, you both have got to have a better idea of yourselves, which (unfortunately in your current state of zealousness) only Time can do. more than 18 (and 16) years on this silly earth can stamp on your being. you've found each other -- that's a triumph in itself. well done. you've been together 3 months (is that correct?) and i assume you're not living together? if this is true, then that is just dumb. and needs to change. and you want to have kids when she turns 17? kids having kids . . . well first off, you fool, where's the goddamn honeymoon? and balls to the notion that a honeymoon is a week in ibizia -- i'm still on my honeymoon. when are you going to spend time with [i]her[/i], just [i]her[/i], get to know [i]her[/i], [i]explore[/i] her? how are you going to do that with a mewling cabbage-headed, **** and **** factory screaming it's lungs out? be selfish. be selfish for and with her. there is more to discover in the both of you than you can possibly understand. goth, remember: please, take all that i've said with a huge grain of salt. i'm american, and therefore prone to talk out of my ass. i can be very full of ****. i don't know you from adam, or what you and your life is like. i don't know what you've been through, what you're going through, or what the future holds. don't get married now. don't have kids now. there is no rush. [/QUOTE]
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