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Discussion in 'The Clubhouse Bar' started by Ripper, Apr 7, 2006.

  1. Ripper

    Ripper Guest

    History Essay I had to do for homework on the European State System 1815-1856... Feedback would be helpful

    Essay Topic :

    "Describe the background and outcomes of an event that affected the lives of ordinary people"

    "How did an historical force or movement related to this event have an influence on ordinary people's lives at this time?"

    741 Words of Pure Awesomeness (Target was 600-800 words)

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  3. Its seems alright at a quick glance cockle, I will cast my eye over it when I get back from driving lesson and look for spelling etc.
  4. Dumbo

    Dumbo Guest

    Mate is this the **** that the powers that be in the Great NZ social welfare state are making you learn?

    For real?... look don't get me wrong - that's a good effort about historical events that have shaped the world as we know it but man... for real?

    Ok... good portrayal of content (regardless of the subject matter) and a clean delivery, but watch your wording on this bit...

    "The uprising and independence of Belgium resulted in a sudden change in the lives of ordinary people in Belgium as a new government was formed to set laws that encourage growth in Belgium and supported the lifestyle the ordinary people of Belgium wanted. They no longer suffered the restrictions imposed on them by the Dutch and lived a butch better life."

    You need to fix that up before you submit and also flesh it out... if you make a statement back it up with a least one example of how this was achieved... people that mark exams will be looking for it (and sadly they are only dickheads so don't expect them to be bright... spell it out simple and slow and you can't go wrong).

    Good work all in all, be careful though... if you are going to make a statement that represents a fact you want to back it up with an example that enforces your opinion.

    The sad thing is... is that the subject matter that NZ youth is judged upon? shithouse... they gave me the NZ Social Welfare state and there of... the destruction of the Kiwi identity in the world economy.

    Bad luck ripper, the good news is though... one day it's over and you get to prove yourself in more rewarding areas.
  5. Ripper

    Ripper Guest

    Yeah, when I type I usually type to fast for my own good and make basic errors. What you said about backing it up is true as well, thats what cost me excellence in Level 1 History. I would get 2 out of the 3 criteria at Excellence level, but the lack of support evidence stuck me at Merit at best.

    On the subject, it could be worse. Some of the other **** the school could be doing include NZ Woman and the Health system and Maori Soverignty 1984 - 2002. Would rather we did something interesting like the American Revolutionary War or Ireland some year ages ago - 1922.

    Although the European State System is boring as ****, we get to do Nam next, which means we get to watch Platoon and Apocalypse Now, we then end the year with a bang with a term and a half of Revolutionary Leadership in Sovet Russia - 1917 - 1951... oh joy.

    I only do History because the Teacher gets so easily sidetracked, more iPod time then anything.
  6. you dont know how to drive???...arent u like 30 years old

    anyway...gud **** ripper,thats pretty neat for a 5 year old..although id expect it from someone born with a silver spoon in his ass..i mean mouth

    i did 2 essays/school projects for history in 4th form...about the irish and the whole catholic/protestant beef and the jo stalin era,got my lv 1 history done n dusted...i aced them,but damn forgot everything about the whole assessment

    well the main reason i passed my history classes was becoz of my teachers attitude..great sense of humour and he had a passion for history...everytime he spoke in lessons he would fully indulge emself into his words and bring the class to life...quite possibly my best teacher,one of the few teachers i naturally feel sorry for with the **** pay package they get..including gg

    get him to rate this ripz
  7. Ripper

    Ripper Guest

    Meh, my history teachers like that, hard liners would say he's a bad teacher because he doesn't just spend all day reading out of a text book (Which when we do, he usually finds a bunch of flaws and just tells it from his head, and 95% of the time his head is right) and making us write notes, but it's no coincidence that his history classes usually have more passes and higher pass grades then the other History teacher's class.

    What's that supposed to mean.
  8. :mellow:

    Try 21!
  9. Black-Monday

    Black-Monday Guest

    Still a bit late to start, how many tests have you failed/old ladies ran over?

  10. kaftka

    kaftka Guest

    You better not be paying or this driving lesson. If you are, that is a major waste of money.

    Come on I'll teach you. It's simple really.

    Oh, and ripper, good work blah blah, I didn't read all of it... History was never my thing anyway. Good though...
  11. Ripper

    Ripper Guest

    Oh yeah, got Excellence... Now I get a certificate in front the whole school assembly... woot.
  12. kaftka

    kaftka Guest

    Oh man, that's the best part!
  13. Ripper

    Ripper Guest

    It is? The whole school just glaring at you, since because of you being a little smartarse they have to wait for you and the other geeks to walk across the stage getting your awards before they can be set free and go to interval.
  14. kaftka

    kaftka Guest

    Hell yeah!!
  15. those are the type of kids we hang from the rugby post..and see if we can drop kick the ball on the groins

    closest gets 10points
  16. History is f***ing boring. :zzz:
  17. kaftka

    kaftka Guest

    Your face is f***ing boring.
  18. An Tarbh

    An Tarbh Guest

    Well written, nearly forgot you were only expected to write 600-800 words and thought it was a bit short. Good piece though, reads well and links together quite nicely.

    Can see the point about some of the syntax and grammar but I'm not a teacher so that's being too picky.

    Nice one on the mark though. :bravo:
  19. Ripper

    Ripper Guest

    Yeah, these practice essays are always reasonably short, got a long Economics Assignment coming up in a week where in the end I'm supposed to survey 50 people, then do a 1500 word investigation on it, so that should keep me amused for a while... Good thing Chili Peppers have released that new album.

    Then don't do it.

    History > Guitar.
  20. minus doing assignments and actual work, i found history as one of my favorite studdies. but for obvious reasons i only did history in 5th form. theres not enough historic gingas...
  21. el_tk

    el_tk Guest

    History is class. Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.
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