Civil war looms at the ARU

Discussion in 'General Rugby Union' started by Prestwick, Apr 21, 2007.

  1. Prestwick

    Prestwick Guest

    Back stabbing, double dealing, deals done and then reneged upon with immature and irrational insults flying from one aggrieved party towards another and a nations' Rugby Union flying its dirty washing up the flagpole for all to see from miles around.

    Sounds like England doesn't it? You couldn't be more wrong. This is actually the Australian Rugby Union after Queensland's Terry Jackman was dumped by ARU officials.

    Raging Queensland men hit back, accusing ARU and New South Wales Union reps of refusing to reform the game in Australia to "protect their own vested interests."

    It looks like England aren't the only people strangling themselves right now, as well as themselves and Australia, South Africa is still in the process of a protracted argument. Thought England's "Club vs Country" debate was difficult to understand? South Africa decided to take the bitch fight to a whole new plane of existence by making it a "Province vs Union and National Government" three way death match.

    So with at least three out of the 10 major rugby powers at their own throats taking part in a self-suicide contest, who will be next to self destruct internally?

    Will Wales finally have one of their legendary "red zones" that they keep on harping on about? My Nephew once asked me "Uncle Prestwick? What is a 'mythical creature'?"

    "Well Newphew," I replied with a hearty laugh and a swig of gunfire "A mythical creature is something that is made up and doesn't exist. Like a Unicorn or a Griffon, or Cornish Nationalism, or the Scottish Rugby Union's financial reserves, or Borders Rugby fans, bigoted Ulster fans or, finally, the Welsh 'red zone'...oh yes and Leicester having 'dynamic rugby' and Keith Barwell's modesty."

    Scotland meanwhile have displayed a certain pizzaz about their recent blow up between province and country. Like the miners strike in Scotland, Border's amazing campaign to save..well..Borders went out with a whimper as the fans lost interest and not happy with almost bankrupting the SRU, they went back to their hunting lodges to plot yet more huge wastes of money to drain the Scottish Executive's coffers with.

    In France, its a little more complicated. Rather than club against Federation, it is actually Club against chibi club (and when I say chibi I mean Japanese for small, cute and adorable, kind of like Arix Viadana or Bath after they see Gloucester kick yet another penalty to make a twenty point lead twenty three). Serge Blanco might have the backing of his top flight French clubs and their merry, smelly, wine encrusted ways but in between huge seven course lunches with large servings of Espresso, he forgot to ask the First Division clubs, none of whom are too keen on playing in the HEC next year and getting humped by the bully boys at Munster or even (*snigger*) Cardiff Blues.

    And as the sun sets on the protracted marital disputes and as the Judges presiding over the various fiascos across the globe commit collective suicide rather than listen to one more idiotic press release from Club or Country, at a nice restaurant just out of town a little get-together is forming.

    Yes, the nice chaps in the Irish provinces, the Italian Clubs and the New Zealand Super 14 franchises have joined their very good friends at their respective Unions. Whatever for, the war weary fans of various battle scarred nations around the earth might ponder. Why to celebrate national peace and harmony, where you wouldn't be half wrong if you saw a fan of these three nations trying to wear both his club jersey and his national jersey at the same time. Emergency services have reported asphyxiation rates shoot up in Munster, Parma and Bay of Plenty for example, all down to the extra tight fit that two poorly made sweat shop Rugby jerseys have around the neck and limbs. If you're not starved of air, you'll die of DVT instead, and it serves you right too, smug gits. :%#%#:

    (Note: Gunfire is a mixture of tea and rum and traditionally is served by officers to the enlisted men in bed on Christmas Day as a nice treat. Most famous reference was in Korea when faced with a final Chinese assault upon their position and with no ammunition, the Glorious Gloucesters repulsed the desperate commies by throwing their British Army rum ration at them. Quite ironic that it was an alcoholic drink which helped the Gloucester regiment earn themselves a Presidential unit citation badge thingy!)
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  3. O'Rothlain

    O'Rothlain Guest

    Good ole make me smile.

    What's the deal with fat old has beens ruining things for everyone else? "Keeping up the best interest of the club and sport," is what they'll tell you...but we can all see it's not. It's a sad era in Rugby right now...Idiots abundant.
  4. shtove

    shtove Guest

    We likes our foie gras in Thomond Park. It goes down nice with buttered spuds, and a side salad of leeks, thistles and rose petals.

    Jackman sounds like a real bluff businessman, a bit of a table pounder: "Let's get this thing done!" I wonder what John Eales thinks of him.

    I still say the HEC shenanigans will be sorted out in July.
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