Hillarious Courtroom Quotes

Discussion in 'The Clubhouse Bar' started by RC, Jan 5, 2010.

  1. RC

    RC Guest

    http://rinkworks.com/said/courtroom.shtml

    The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.

    • Lawyer: "Did you blow your horn or anything?"
    • Witness: "After the accident?"
    • Lawyer: "Before the accident."
    • Witness: "Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    • Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
    • Witness: "No."
    • Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    • Witness: "No."
    • Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
    • Witness: "No."
    • Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
    • Witness: "No."
    • Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    • Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    • Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
    • Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    • Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
    • Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    • Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
    • Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
     
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  3. Charles

    Charles Guest

    2nd one is gold...
     
  4. RC

    RC Guest

    Yup, that one was - without a doubt - my favourite one there.
     
  5. lynam1104

    lynam1104 Guest

    I think the only ones that were funny were the 2nd and 3rd.
     
  6. Gavin

    Gavin Guest

    If you constantly want funny courtroom quotes, watch Judge Judy. I was watching it yesterday and it was absolutely hilarious. She is definately one fun woman, and always tells the truth, no matter how harse.
     
  7. C A Iversen

    C A Iversen Guest

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Gavin @ Jan 5 2010, 11:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Well she has every right to be harsh, especially after how harsh the mirror is to her each day.
     
  8. RC

    RC Guest

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (C A Iversen @ Jan 5 2010, 11:18 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Well she has every right to be harsh, especially after how harsh the mirror is to her each day.
    [/b][/quote]

    Oh no you didn't!
     
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