If rugby players were animals...

[Penne Rara]

If rugby players were animals, which one would they be?

I've got this funny idea trotting through my mind after a comment by Ground We Won:

Did anyone else think Jordie Barrett looked really slow tonight? Compare him to McKenzie and he's like a giraffe galloping around.

That's right. Jordie would be a giraffe. Tall, has endlessly long legs and a calm attitude that only a giraffe can relate to. He's not fast for an outside back, but still strolls around with his long legs and somehow finds some space between the bushes to run into thanks to his skinny frame. He can't tackle correctly and aims high, like giraffes do when they fight by hitting each other with their long necks.

Now, it's your turn, choose a player and find his/her spirit animal. This should be fun.

 

[Ragey Erasmus]

By position:

Props: Rhinos
Hookers : Hippos
Locks: Giraffes
Flankers: Lions
Number 8: Gorilla
Scrum Half: Monkey
Fly Half:
Wingers: Gazelle or Buffalo
Centres:
Fullback: Kangaroo

 

[LeinsterMan (NotTigsMan)]

Loosehead: Bison
Hookers: Silverback Gorilla
Tighthead: Hippos
Scrum Lock: Elephant
Loose lock: Giraffe
Blinside Flanker: Polar Bear
Openside Flanker: Lion
Number 8: Rhino
Scum Half: Honey Badger
Fly Half: Chimpanzee
Wing: Cheetah
Inside: Tiger
Outside: Kangaroo
Wing: Wildebesst
Full Back: Ostrich

 

[MikeTheNative]

Honey Badger - Honey Badger

 

[Caitlyn Jenner]

Laumape = Rhino
Barrett = Gazelle
DMac = Monkey

 

[Penne Rara]

@ragerancher & @Tigs Man

Interesting choices for the back line. I can understand the very stereotypical animals for the pack, props being rather short, roundish, muscular and hard to move, they're compared to rhinos, or bisons, powerful beasts with a lot of inertia. But the comparison stops when Dane Coles is in the conversation. Obviously he's more a gorilla than a dumb and slow hippopotamus (no disrespect intended, dear hippos, but Tigs spoke the truth).

Tigs, I love that you made a clear distinction between positions that come in pairs, such as tight head or loose head prop, locks, flankers, wingers and midfielders. I believe each position on the rugby field has a specific role to it and even though some of them are pretty similar, playing someone in a slightly different position can sometimes change the outcome big time.

I also like that distinction between flankers. The openside carries a bit more and is ferocious at the breakdown while the blindside tackles hard. The lion and the bear suit these positions quite well. I would've chosen a jackal for the baseline openside flanker, god Richie, and for obvious reasons: He's tenacious, has got great stamina, is opportunistic, annoyingly smart and always finds a way to steal your food even if it's rotten already. Ugly or not, he'll take the penalty.

"Scum half" lol
TJ Perenara would surely be a hyena, and a cackling one. Believe it or not, he's closer to being a true openside flanker than any other international scrum half. Plus he's annoying af and has a knack for causing turnovers and slowing the ball down. I would absolutely hate to play against him, but let's recognize he's got some cojones, everyone loves a TJ from time to time.

@CJ: No other animal suits Ngani better than a rhino. He's deceptively small yet so hard to tackle, and whenever he runs chaos ensues.

Barrett being a gazelle is nothing new, he himself suggested it during an interview and I find that to be rather accurate. There is an elegance in his strides, and even the cheetahs can't catch him (true story):


That's a close one for Dmac. I understand why you chose to compare him to a monkey. He is agile and clever, but most of all, he runs fast despite his height and the only animal that runs deceptively fast for its size is the rabbit. If Damian was an animal, he'd be this one:

 

[Vieux Talonneur]

Top team, Tigs, but I wouldn't be wanting to lift the elephant in a hurry.

On the blindside I'd forget about the polar. Too solitary, not enough of a team player. I'll bend the rules and put T-Rex in. Adds a bit of nastiness and brings height. Carrying's not great tho due to arm length.

Lion's not what you need on the open side, far too lazy. You want a ruthless creature, with high energy, who does all the hard work and knows when to pounce. What you want is a lioness.

 

[LeinsterMan (NotTigsMan)]

Lioness was what i was thinking of TBF.

And I ain't cutting the Polar bear.

 

[Vieux Talonneur]

Brilliant. Polar stays!

 

[Superalexmarket]

What? They are not animals??

 

[Penne Rara]

At least underperforming T-rex makes the bench I guess...

 

[Penne Rara]

What? They are not animals??

Oh don't be silly, only Richie is an animal. He's a f***ing mongrel

 

[The Jones Boy]

Great Line up Tigs, the only change i would make is at half back where i would toss out your honey badger (good choice but not my favourite) and replace it with

Wolverine.

 

[LeinsterMan (NotTigsMan)]

Great Line up Tigs, the only change i would make is at half back where i would toss out your honey badger (good choice but not my favourite) and replace it with

Wolverine.

Yeh that would be a good swap.

 

[Goodey]

reminds me of this old chestnut