Make me Laugh, TRF

[big ginger 8]

The pollen count, thats a difficult job.

I lost my job with last minute dot com for being persistently late.

I lost my job as a cricket commetator for saying the words I don't want to bore ou with the details.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work beekeepers will be furious.

Some people say firefighters deserve monry, but apparently a poll was taken and hey all fell through a hole in the floor.

 

[Black Heart]

One day a lawyer goes out duck shooting. He finds a small lake in the country side and before long he shoots down a duck where it falls into the neighbouring field. Going to retrieve the duck the lawyer is confronted by a farmer:

Lawyer: "Hello there, may I have my duck back?"
Farmer: "Of course not. This duck fell onto my field so therefore it belongs to me."
Lawyer: "But I was the one who shot it. So it's actually my duck."
Farmer: "I'll tell you what, let's settle this the way we do it out here in the country. I get to punch you 3 times and then you get to punch me 3 times and so on. The first one to give up looses."
Lawyer: "Er, fair enough then."

Before the Lawyer could say another word, the famer punched him once in the stomach, once in the mouth and once on the nose. The Lawyer fell to the ground, his face a bloody mess. Getting back to his feet in pain the lawyer mumbles, "O.K. now it's my turn."

The Farmer smiled. "No, that's all right, you can keep the duck."

 

[Leonormous Boozer]

The pollen count, thats a difficult job.

I lost my job with last minute dot com for being persistently late.

I lost my job as a cricket commetator for saying the words I don't want to bore ou with the details.

If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work beekeepers will be furious.

Some people say firefighters deserve monry, but apparently a poll was taken and hey all fell through a hole in the floor

Where did you get these.

 

[big ginger 8]

Why?

If you must know brilliant and quirky comedian Milton Jones

 

[Leonormous Boozer]

Why?

If you must know brilliant and quirky comedian Milton Jones

They're really good.

 

[big ginger 8]

If you like him look up the comedian Stewart Francis.

 

[LittleGuy]

For some reason I laughed for five straight minutes last night at an episode of Mighty Ships, which is a series on the world's largest, most interesting and frequently dangerous ships. The vessel in the episode was an American cargo ship that supplies Alaska.

Anyways there is a probably 300 lbs. 55 year old guy with a beard working on the deck and he can barely bend over to tie down the cargo. He is wearing a bandana sweating up a storm and generally looks hurting, they freeze the frame and reveal some personal info on him and his rank was....Able-Bodied Seaman!!!!

 

[Groundhog]

They're really good.

i knew the second i saw them they were Milton jones firstly because of the style of the joke secondly because "big ginger" always talks bout him

 

[shtove]

A maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"

Maria: "Your husband said so."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Your husband did."

Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."

Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora, the gardener did."

Damn, I had to think about that. Nice.

For the Canadian worry about standards of shipping, here's the Aussie response - the front fell off:

<iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WcU4t6zRAKg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[LittleGuy]

Watch this video at the 8:15 mark, probably the funniest thing I have ever seen in rugby, and kind of shows how much the haka has changed.

 

[big ginger 8]

Not exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies is it?

 

[LittleGuy]

Not exactly going to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies is it?

I couldn't have played the first ten minutes of the match afterwords though as I would have been keeled over in laughter...

 

[j-dawg]

Condom sales have been going down in Australia since the 2007 world cup. The public have discovered you can f**k 15 Australians with just one Johnny.


What do you call 15 Ozzie blokes watching the Rugby World Cup final? The Wallabies.


Im sure you can guess when they both arised

 

[shtove]

Watch this video at the 8:15 mark, probably the funniest thing I have ever seen in rugby, and kind of shows how much the haka has changed.

Christ! Is that a tranni at 8:28?

 

[LittleGuy]

Christ! Is that a tranni at 8:28?

LMAO he/she looked 90 years old!!!

 

[smartcooky]

Some oldies but goodies, from the 2005 British & Irish Lions tour

► The tour took place just a few years after the world wide panic about anthrax and white powdery substances. The Lions were training at Eden Park when some of the players reported seeing some suspicious looking white substance on the grass. The players were quickly whisked away and the anti-terrorist Hazardous Substances Squad were called in to investigate. After about 2 minutes, the squad chief called the Lions coach over, and told him that what his players had found was the "try-line", but that they shouldn't worry about it too much because they were unlikely to see it again.

► There are two man-made objects on the Earth's surface that are visible from orbit;
1. The Great Wall of China.
2. The Gap in the Lions Back-line.

► As the Lions ran out onto Eden Park for their last training run before the third and final test, coach Ian McGeechan told them to get set up in their usual positions. They all instinctively lined up under the posts waiting for the conversion.

And finally, and unrelated joke :

Q: What is the hardest thing about liking Corona
A: Telling your father that you are Gay

 

[TRF_Ezequiel]

A Texas DPS Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
He also immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, he walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's side window.
The young man lowers his window and mutters, "Uh, yes, Officer"?
The trooper asks: 'What are you doing'?
The young man says: 'Well, Sir, I'm reading a magazine'.
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat, the trooper says: 'And her in the back, what is she doing'?
The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails'.
Now the trooper is totally confused. A young couple, alone in a car at night, in a lover's lane ... and nothing obscene is happening! The trooper asks: 'What's your age, young man'?
The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir'. The trooper asks: 'And her ... what's her age'?
The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes...

 

[TRF_Ezequiel]

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At school*Robot slaps Son*
SON: OK,I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story*Robot slaps son again*
SON: OK, it was Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I didn’t even know what porn was!*Robot slaps Dad*
MOM: HAHA! After all he’s your son.*Robot slaps mom*

 

[Seaton]

Question:

Llddllldlddwllddlldlddld


Place in Wales or Rangers recent record in Europe?

 

[M Two One]

The first one ... :mellow: .. the last one.