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One of my greatest childhood achievements

Max Power

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When I was a kid our school football team made it to the final of a local competition.

I was a striker who was tied for the most goals in the tournament with another player on our team.

I also had some experience in net and had been keeper a few games the previous year.

Our starting keeper got hurt so the coach (PE teacher) said I had to go in net.

I told him I wanted to keep playing striker since this was the last game of the tournament and I could win the top scorer award.

He still said no and I ended up going in net.

We were up 2-0 when he put me in net.

Final score: 2-5

I pretended to dive to make saves if there was a shot on goal.

But what I was really doing was diving over the ball so it still looked like I was making a great effort even though they scored on 5 shots that I could have saved if I didn't purposely dive over the ball.

Parents were still congratulating me after the match about what a great game I played and how amazing my dives were.

Some of the other kids on the team knew what was going on, but I was well-known as the hardest kid in school so they just sulked about it.

Plus since the other guy I was tied with didn't score we both jointly got the top scorer award.

I would see that same PE teacher looking all dishevelled in a pub many years later, but that's a story for another day.
 

Kiwiwomble

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When I was a kid our school football team made it to the final of a local competition.

I was a striker who was tied for the most goals in the tournament with another player on our team.

I also had some experience in net and had been keeper a few games the previous year.

Our starting keeper got hurt so the coach (PE teacher) said I had to go in net.

I told him I wanted to keep playing striker since this was the last game of the tournament and I could win the top scorer award.

He still said no and I ended up going in net.

We were up 2-0 when he put me in net.

Final score: 2-5

I pretended to dive to make saves if there was a shot on goal.

But what I was really doing was diving over the ball so it still looked like I was making a great effort even though they scored on 5 shots that I could have saved if I didn't purposely dive over the ball.

Parents were still congratulating me after the match about what a great game I played and how amazing my dives were.

Some of the other kids on the team knew what was going on, but I was well-known as the hardest kid in school so they just sulked about it.

Plus since the other guy I was tied with didn't score we both jointly got the top scorer award.

I would see that same PE teacher looking all dishevelled in a pub many years later, but that's a story for another day.
weird way to tell everyone you're just a bit of a dick
 

Bruce_ma gooshvili

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Surely the Alpha move would have been to dribble it out of the box and go on the attack, run into the opponents box for corners etc. Then if anyone told you to get back in goals say 'or what'?

Worryingly, this anecdote has some similarities to me at a rounders match where my commitment was questioned by a PE teacher who'd previously joked why was a small kid like me (a borderline midget pre-puberty) wearing an American Football t-shirt saying 'Giants' on it. I wouldn't have minded (both were fair points), but he was about 5'2" tall and his commitment to the game extended to turning his back to the match so he could chat away to his fellow PE teachers a couple of metres behind the 'batsman'.

So every time I fielded the tennis ball, I intentionally overthrew a vicious low flying ball just past the backstop fielder's shoulder so it skelped the wee ******* PE teacher a couple of times on his back and head. Miraculously that got him paying attention to the pupils he was being paid to teach.

The teams switch sides and I'm in to bat. I give it a good old wallop and could easily have run three bases, but I just walk slowly to first base, while the PE teacher starts yelling at an inept fielder to get it thrown to first base. But too late, I'm safe. When the next batter hits the ball, I then stick my hands in my short pockets and walk backwards towards second base and a now red faced PE teacher is so engaged in a match he was previously ignoring that he starts yelling uncontrollably for the ball to be thrown to second base to get me out. I stop walking and look at him with open contempt and let the fielders get me out. Then I walk off.

That's on my pre-pubescent podium of mild insubordination at school along with being threatened with suspension for allegedly getting another pupil to nominate hymn number 666 to be sang at a morning school wide assembly (then allegedly rallying all the boys to vote for it without the teacher twigging what was going on). Spending 2hrs of the last day of term standing behind a blackboard because I refused to dance to Kylie Minogue's 'Locomotion' and chose to quietly read a Snoopy book instead rounds out the top 3. Only in school can you be punished for wanting to read a book over goofing off.

My parents were always amused how half the teachers (the good ones) thought I was a grafter with impeccable manners and half the teachers (the inept and/or bullies) thought I was the devil incarnate. In my defence, I was but a child.
 

Umaga's Witness

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Our 'star' player wasn't very good, scored most of the goals but only because he stood in front of the goal and waited for me to set him up. He took all the credit though. From the pe teacher who was the coach in particular. This kid always used to say "I hate your guts" (weird phrase, do they have that in other countries?) to me all the time too, which irked me a little.

So one day I broke into this kids house while he was sleeping, put a tow strop down under the bed and over his body, nice and quietly, then cranked the strop. Just as he woke I shoved a t shirt in his mouth and taped it to his head to stop him screaming. I then sliced open his belly and proceeded to gut him . Just before he died of blood loss I brought his bin over ti the side of the bed and, holding his guts in my hand I stood over him, said "I hate your guts" and dropped his guts into the bin.

And what of the PE teacher soccer coach? The 'star' player was his son.

Alpha.

Oh and because there is no thread for the game and no one cares,

1. Ethan de Groot (7)
2. Samisoni Taukei'aho (14)
3. Tyrel Lomax (17)
4. Sam Whitelock (137)
5. Scott Barrett (53)
6. Shannon Frizell (20)
7. Sam Cane © (83)
8. Ardie Savea (65)
9. Aaron Smith (108)
10. Richie Mo'unga (38)
11. Caleb Clarke (8)
12. David Havili (19)
13. Rieko Ioane (53)
14. Will Jordan (18)
15. Jordie Barrett (42)


16. Dane Coles (82)
17. George Bower (17)
18. Fletcher Newell (2)
19. Brodie Retallick (95)
20. Dalton Papali'i (15)
21. Finlay Christie (9)
22. Beauden Barrett (106)
23. Quinn Tupaea (12)
 

Bada-Bing!

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Oh and because there is no thread for the game and no one cares,

1. Ethan de Groot (7)
2. Samisoni Taukei'aho (14)
3. Tyrel Lomax (17)
4. Sam Whitelock (137)
5. Scott Barrett (53)
6. Shannon Frizell (20)
7. Sam Cane © (83)
8. Ardie Savea (65)
9. Aaron Smith (108)
10. Richie Mo'unga (38)
11. Caleb Clarke (8)
12. David Havili (19)
13. Rieko Ioane (53)
14. Will Jordan (18)
15. Jordie Barrett (42)


16. Dane Coles (82)
17. George Bower (17)
18. Fletcher Newell (2)
19. Brodie Retallick (95)
20. Dalton Papali'i (15)
21. Finlay Christie (9)
22. Beauden Barrett (106)
23. Quinn Tupaea (12)
Just posted in RC thread.
 
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