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Rugby Union a History of Cheating.
Narrated by David Attenborough.
Rugby Union as we know it has a strong history of men who respect all and fear none. The game created in 1823 by William Webb Ellis continued the way he envisioned it until cheating was invented in 1999. I have spent many years compiling an extensive list of known cheaters, the list is filled with numerous players who will be shamed below:
List of Cheaters in Rugby Union
1. Richie McCaw.
Rugby continued the way it was intended until 1999 when a young Richie McCaw stepped onto the field for Canterbury Rugby Union Club in New Zealand, the way he played caused an uproar and much despair in the rugby circles, with numerous Coaches, Referees, players and mothers calling for him to be banned, Ritchie's reign of terror has continued until recently, its reach covering all corners of the earth, from New Zealand, to South Africa and even mythical places like England and Ireland (Although no concrete evidence exists that England and Ireland exist).
While Richie's dastardly ways had little effect in 1999 and 2000; in 2001 he broke onto the world's radar, He was picked for New Zealand in a newly created position of Cheater in the number 7 jersey. His rise to the top quickly affected the world of rugby, we caught up with Australian Legend George Gregan who agreed to share his stories about Richie.
David: Thank you for agreeing to participate in this documentary.
George: It's my pleasure David, it's not often that someone brings Ritchie's ways to light.
David: So George you played against Mr McCaw on numerous occasions from 2001 up until 2007. How did the way he played the game directly influence your life?
George: Well, if you look back at my games before Richie came on the scene I had a rather large head of hair, but after my first game against him we went out drinking. He had been stealing the ball all day so we were calling him Magic hands because the referee had been unable to pick up on his blatant cheating. While we went out for beers he came up to me and game my head a good tussle, 6 days later I was completely bald, I understand Nathan Sharpe and Stephen Moore also had their hair rubbed by him. I suppose it speaks for itself how they turned out.
David: That is must have been devastating for you... to lose all your hair at such a young age.
George: It ruined my life, he took my hair and he took my youth. I was a nice guy until that incident after that I looked menacing, When I smiled at Referees they thought I was death staring them.
David: There is no need to cry George, we're here to help you and the world understand how evil Richie really is. We'll cut the interview off there.
So as you can see Richie not only ruined one players life but he also took away his youth. We went to South Africa in search of more evidence.
Meeting up with world renowned animal lover, peace keeper, fine wine connoisseur, clean player and just a really nice guy known only to us as Schalk B. (in an effort to maintain his anonymity as he continues to play against Richie.
David: So I understand you had a fierce rivalry with McCaw?
Schalk: That is correct.
David: Could you tell us about it?
Schalk: Certainly. I first met Richie in 2003 when I played for South Africa against New Zealand, he was already a world renowned cheater at that time. I had made it my mission to stop him and return the game to its glory days of clean play and hard rugby. In the line up to run out I tried to start a conversation to me, but he hushed me and reached into his pants pulling out a Kiwi bird. He told me he had trained it to say some words of encouragement and gave it to me. As I sat on the bench the bird spoke "Schalk licks decks" I don't understand what it was trying to say, I have been told that the natural accent of the kiwi bird causes it to pronounce words in strange ways but to this day I have not been able to figure it out. I can assure you I do not "lick decks" I have varnished many decks and I don't think licking them would be very appealing.
David: I don't quite know what the bird was getting at either. Did he do anything else?
Schalk: Yes after the game he told me I looked like Hulk Hogans sister and that if my jawline was any bigger I could have played Bubba in Forrest Gump. Coming from a multicultural society with a long history of tolerance towards our tanned brothers I was not offended by this comment. Bubba was an integral part of that movie.
David: Thank you for telling us your story.
Schalk: My pleasure.
In early 2006 AJ Gilbert played for the Queensland Reds against the Crusaders. The term "Richie could get away with blue murder in a ruck" came from this game.
When AJ Gilbert when into the ruck not only did Richie stab him 4 times. He also got in his Ford Ranger and ran AJ Gilbert, proceeding to hand the knife used in the attack to the Referee who then sent AJ Gilbert off for wasting time. Ask yourself have you seen AJ Gilbert since?
In 2008 Richie's kung fu treachery took a whole new level. He bet Queensland Reds winger Digby Ioane $20 that Digby could not dig a hole with Casey Laulala's head. Digby wanting to make $20 proceeded to do just that. Not only did Digby get a Red card but Richie did not uphold his end of the bargain. Even asking Digby after the game "do you even lift?"
The worst case of cheating was when the Australian Wallabies played the All Blacks, Richie not only headbutted Wallabies play maker Quade Cooper in the knee multiple times over the course of the season, but he continually stole the ball with hands in the ruck.
Hopefully one day we can play in a world without Cheating, but until Richie is stopped I doubt that is possible.
I'm David Attenborough and this was Rugby Union: A History of Cheating. Tune in next week for my documentary about Brian Lima called "Sole my Shoulders still Hurt".
Narrated by David Attenborough.
Rugby Union as we know it has a strong history of men who respect all and fear none. The game created in 1823 by William Webb Ellis continued the way he envisioned it until cheating was invented in 1999. I have spent many years compiling an extensive list of known cheaters, the list is filled with numerous players who will be shamed below:
List of Cheaters in Rugby Union
1. Richie McCaw.
Rugby continued the way it was intended until 1999 when a young Richie McCaw stepped onto the field for Canterbury Rugby Union Club in New Zealand, the way he played caused an uproar and much despair in the rugby circles, with numerous Coaches, Referees, players and mothers calling for him to be banned, Ritchie's reign of terror has continued until recently, its reach covering all corners of the earth, from New Zealand, to South Africa and even mythical places like England and Ireland (Although no concrete evidence exists that England and Ireland exist).
While Richie's dastardly ways had little effect in 1999 and 2000; in 2001 he broke onto the world's radar, He was picked for New Zealand in a newly created position of Cheater in the number 7 jersey. His rise to the top quickly affected the world of rugby, we caught up with Australian Legend George Gregan who agreed to share his stories about Richie.
David: Thank you for agreeing to participate in this documentary.
George: It's my pleasure David, it's not often that someone brings Ritchie's ways to light.
David: So George you played against Mr McCaw on numerous occasions from 2001 up until 2007. How did the way he played the game directly influence your life?
George: Well, if you look back at my games before Richie came on the scene I had a rather large head of hair, but after my first game against him we went out drinking. He had been stealing the ball all day so we were calling him Magic hands because the referee had been unable to pick up on his blatant cheating. While we went out for beers he came up to me and game my head a good tussle, 6 days later I was completely bald, I understand Nathan Sharpe and Stephen Moore also had their hair rubbed by him. I suppose it speaks for itself how they turned out.
David: That is must have been devastating for you... to lose all your hair at such a young age.
George: It ruined my life, he took my hair and he took my youth. I was a nice guy until that incident after that I looked menacing, When I smiled at Referees they thought I was death staring them.
David: There is no need to cry George, we're here to help you and the world understand how evil Richie really is. We'll cut the interview off there.
So as you can see Richie not only ruined one players life but he also took away his youth. We went to South Africa in search of more evidence.
Meeting up with world renowned animal lover, peace keeper, fine wine connoisseur, clean player and just a really nice guy known only to us as Schalk B. (in an effort to maintain his anonymity as he continues to play against Richie.
David: So I understand you had a fierce rivalry with McCaw?
Schalk: That is correct.
David: Could you tell us about it?
Schalk: Certainly. I first met Richie in 2003 when I played for South Africa against New Zealand, he was already a world renowned cheater at that time. I had made it my mission to stop him and return the game to its glory days of clean play and hard rugby. In the line up to run out I tried to start a conversation to me, but he hushed me and reached into his pants pulling out a Kiwi bird. He told me he had trained it to say some words of encouragement and gave it to me. As I sat on the bench the bird spoke "Schalk licks decks" I don't understand what it was trying to say, I have been told that the natural accent of the kiwi bird causes it to pronounce words in strange ways but to this day I have not been able to figure it out. I can assure you I do not "lick decks" I have varnished many decks and I don't think licking them would be very appealing.
David: I don't quite know what the bird was getting at either. Did he do anything else?
Schalk: Yes after the game he told me I looked like Hulk Hogans sister and that if my jawline was any bigger I could have played Bubba in Forrest Gump. Coming from a multicultural society with a long history of tolerance towards our tanned brothers I was not offended by this comment. Bubba was an integral part of that movie.
David: Thank you for telling us your story.
Schalk: My pleasure.
In early 2006 AJ Gilbert played for the Queensland Reds against the Crusaders. The term "Richie could get away with blue murder in a ruck" came from this game.
When AJ Gilbert when into the ruck not only did Richie stab him 4 times. He also got in his Ford Ranger and ran AJ Gilbert, proceeding to hand the knife used in the attack to the Referee who then sent AJ Gilbert off for wasting time. Ask yourself have you seen AJ Gilbert since?
In 2008 Richie's kung fu treachery took a whole new level. He bet Queensland Reds winger Digby Ioane $20 that Digby could not dig a hole with Casey Laulala's head. Digby wanting to make $20 proceeded to do just that. Not only did Digby get a Red card but Richie did not uphold his end of the bargain. Even asking Digby after the game "do you even lift?"
The worst case of cheating was when the Australian Wallabies played the All Blacks, Richie not only headbutted Wallabies play maker Quade Cooper in the knee multiple times over the course of the season, but he continually stole the ball with hands in the ruck.
Hopefully one day we can play in a world without Cheating, but until Richie is stopped I doubt that is possible.
I'm David Attenborough and this was Rugby Union: A History of Cheating. Tune in next week for my documentary about Brian Lima called "Sole my Shoulders still Hurt".
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... maybe wake me when the "Ban the Haka" season starts 
