The Nakid Language - The big news

Discussion in 'The Clubhouse Bar' started by Dumbo, Jul 25, 2007.

  1. Dumbo

    Dumbo Guest

    The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

    As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .
    In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

    In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
    Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

    Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
    By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
    Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
    Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
    If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.
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  3. lol. bloody brilliant
  4. RC

    RC Guest

    I love it.
    Ah, the prospect of a utopic society where we all speak like so.
  5. Get Naked

    Get Naked Guest

    You had me at Nakid.

    You had me, at Nakid.
  6. IanRobo75

    IanRobo75 Guest

    Brilliant. Keep up the good work.

    Euro-Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss.

    Euro-Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians.
  7. Brodizzle

    Brodizzle Guest

    I see a plot to dirty the Queens English by non other then the Communists!

    If this happens will that make us Aussies wrong spelling fools like the Yanks?
  8. Caledfwlch

    Caledfwlch Guest

    man, if nigella lawson was the cook in hell... i'd go to hell! but the worst will be the lovers smelling like swiss cheese. well the italian mafia has good organisation so why not. facist german policemen ok not good. as for the french. they'll be too busy making love to their face they wouldnt want to get dirty
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