Wandering through the legumes of Autumn...

[Big Ewis]

Havin' some weird gastric reactions these days. A while ago, I'm sitting in my bed here in my room watching some Rugby, and I take the longest fart ever. I made sure I spread my cheeks so it comes out nice and smooth and whistles a nice melody for me, but I ended up staying in that position forever. Or at least, 15 seconds. I dunno. There's no telling, it felt like all eternity. It just kept going, and going and going. I thought my head was about to blow from all the pushing on the abs, I felt pressure like never before. They say "pressure makes diamond". I beg to differ. Later, it smelled like one of those gases...helium ? I dunno, it's one of those gases you've smelled in physics class. Some traces of egg also perhaps, although not fresh. Very strong but not quite putrid. But stings the nostrils hard. It may have burned some nose hair I had. It's VERY potent stuff...the smell just wouldn't leave though. At a point, I was breathing it like oxygen. Kinda like when you've been smoking weed for hours and can't smell it's weed anymore until you leave the room and come back. Kinda like I hotboxed the room. It didn't make me high though...not quite that powerful. Well now that I think about it...
Anyways, that was my 7000th post. Thought I'd write up something like prose-poetry, something authentic and from the heart. I hope you've read this in a very relaxed jazzman's tone. Because that's how I'd like my coffee in the morning. If I drank some.

 

[LeinsterMan (NotTigsMan)]

Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.

 

[Big Ewis]

Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.

How strange...I see you've left those quotation marks open at the end. Very perspicacious detail of you...so there's more you'd tell them I understand. What, then, Tiggerman ?

 

[LeinsterMan (NotTigsMan)]

How strange...I see you've left those quotation marks open at the end. Very perspicacious detail of you...so there's more you'd tell them I understand. What, then, Tiggerman ?

To be Continued......


Also congrats on 7,000 Posts.

That's like a lot more than me.

 

[TRF_Olyy]

I'm too drunk for this thread.

 

[dasNdanger]

What you passed was a sulfur-based gas. Those are the ones that smell. It's all part of the digestive process, especially when breaking down foods that contain sulfur compounds such as garlic, broccoli, and eggs. Sulfur farts cannot be set on fire.

Farts that can be set on fire are methane-based. These usually do not smell...and are the source of great entertainment for college boys in possession of an open flame.


Also...What the hell is a big Ewis anyway?



das

 

[Big Ewis]

das, I like and cherish your comment. It brings scientific support to my lyrical prowess. And........I am Big Ewis. It's all in that last sentence, the profound yet remarkably superficial meaning of all that isn't not me.