Women

[SaintsFan_Webby]

Can anyone really define what goes on inside the mind a human female other than a female herself? I know I certainly can't. Here is my issue:

Having spent to last 2 years or or as a carefree bachelor (ahem...), and taking companionship where I found it so to speak, I recently got back together with my ex-girlfriend. Now this is someone who played a major role in my life as I matured, and we have found a great balance between the old feelings of comfort and the excitement of a new relationship. I would go so far as to say we are far better together now than we ever used to be.

However, upon changing my status on Facebook (the new must-have tool of modern communication and sometime law unto itself) a number a strange occurences have come about. I say strange because I have never exactly been Casanova, and so some of these recent events are quite frankly baffling.

Firstly, on Saturday night I went out and got drunk. Not particularly unusual for a student, especially at the weekend and extra-specially on a friend's birthday. Now being the gentleman that I am, I end up walking a girl home despite it being much further away than my own bed. Can't let them go alone in the dark and all that. Admittedly this is someone who I had a one night encounter with a while back, but she starts throwing me compliments all over the place, seemingly out of the blue. Once we got back to hers she asked if I just wanted to crash rather than walking all the way home on my own. The drunken, cold state that I was, I didn't think this sounded too bad an idea. What I neglected to realise was that this meant sharing her double bed with her. I couldn't exactly leave at this stage without insulting her (and I don't like to lose friends), so thinking of nothing but my girlfriend I innocently took, and stayed to, one side of the bed. Despite some attempts on her behalf, I am pleased to say I left the house early the next morning with my conscience still in tact. She text me the next day to apologise for being a pain, but a flirty edge still remains.

Secondly, back in the misty haze of October, before my ex was on the radar once more, I met a girl at a bar. She really was quite a looker (amazing eyes), and usually someone I might consider out of my league. Fortunately that night my alcohol fuelled confidence was high so I went straight up and asked her for her number. A few fun filled days followed until I found out she lived in south-east London (ironically in the exact bit of London where I was born) and was doing a degree in journalism (ironically enough my chosen career ambition). I was quite gutted to hear this at the time, but she seemed less interested, and despite my best efforts our communications eventually peetered out once she went home. Yet just this evening, I received a message saying sorry if she offended me back then, asking how I was, and saying that she was going to Reading soon and would I like to meet her for a drink at some point.


Now as I've already said, I'm not Brad Pitt/generic handsome Hollywood male, so I have been left confused. Am I nice? Sure. Am I at least humanly aesthetic? I hope so. Am I funny and interesting? Ideally I'd like to think so when I try.

So it got me thinking - is it merely a coincidence that all this has happened at once, or have they simply upped their interest because they have seen I've got into something new?

Don't get me wrong, I have no plans to cheat on my girlfirend whatsoever, I'm not that guy, but the situation intrigues me. Do women, like men, find something more desirable if there is a sign saying hands-off? Or am I simply reading far too much into circumstances?

Please note, this is a thread designed to discuss the confusing nature of women to the untrained male mind, not to shout your mouth off. Keep any lewd comments you may have to yourselves.

Thoughts? Resolutions? General help and advice?

 

[getofmeland]

I went through something very similar back in November with my ex, as she knew I have a lot of female friends who I go out clubbing and to gigs with, who I chat over the net with, I initially suggested changing said status on said website, but she refused but then went on to change hers which prompted me to change mine... I noticed myself receiving messages from people who I haven't seen in ages or in fact spoken to in ages, including ex's... this also led to text messages from some of my female friends asking whether I would be going out on the weekend...
Unfortunately for me, I had left myself logged onto my laptop, and disappeared to go get something during that time a new message popped up from one of my female friends, with the usual flirty banter that she always used to use when I was single several years ago, my ex saw this arrive and read it, she then decided to see what other messages I had received by the time I returned she had a face of fury and started spurting off on one at me, to my shock and surprise, not knowing what I had walked into so was unable to defend myself.. Things sorted themselves out, and then suddenly out of the blue she dumped me about a week later no reasoning at all...

So basically what I am trying to say is be careful Tim, because unfortunately women get very jealous and things go round in their heads, and they build all sorts of scenarios up, its probably best not to come clean or say anything but just be wary of what you text back and what you send back and what access your gf has to your stuff... Its not a nice way to look at it but Women are like Cats they are very territorial, and if they have just the smallest chance, to either upset the boat , whether it be your gf or the other ladies they will try to un-nerve you...

Sorry it probably sounds a bit drunken.. Whoops!!!

 

[melon]

I find when I start up a new relationship I have all these girls all of a sudden starting to be far more flirty than they used to be. I've had the same problem as Charlie. I get a message on my phone with a flirty tone, the gf checks it without me knowing, and bam! I'm the one in trouble.

Maybe it is a case of wanting something that they can't have.

I now know to be as careful as possible and delete anything that would make her bring on a fit of jealous rage, which I must admit I have to but to a lesser extent and only if she has lead them on somewhat.

Its always said that the key to a successful relationship is to be honest and open about everything, however I think you only have to be honest and open to a certain extent...there are somethings you shouldn't divulge if you know you have committed no sin but the gf would be angry because of the other party involved.

 

[DC]

Women are to dramatic. Seriously i refuse to date girls at the moment, mostly because i can't put up with a lot of their stupid bullshit. Of course i should expect them to get past that phase sometime soon, but really i couldn't imagine having to put up with it. Making BIG deals out of nothing in particular and for someone like me, who is relatively carefree and believes life should be lived with as little stress as possible it doesn't suit me to have a relationship at the moment. For now i'll stick to hook ups.

 

[Brodizzle]

Probably not a good idea to crash at a girls house, let alone int he same bed when you have a girlfriend....I mean, if a girl did that when I was dating her I wouldn't be happy, despite what she claimed actually happened....

You should have left as soon as you realised that you had to sleep in the same bed, simply saying you have a girlfriend, no insults needed....

Girls are fickle as it is, you can't give them a reason to be even more so....

 

[Dmx#1]

Women are to dramatic. Seriously i refuse to date girls at the moment, mostly because i can't put up with a lot of their stupid bullshit. Of course i should expect them to get past that phase sometime soon, but really i couldn't imagine having to put up with it. Making BIG deals out of nothing in particular and for someone like me, who is relatively carefree and believes life should be lived with as little stress as possible it doesn't suit me to have a relationship at the moment.
[/b]

Lol I know what you mean, I have no idea why females are like that. Especially when they do their 'tests' and mind games its f***ed up man. EVERY girl is like that, some may be worse than others and if you think your found a girl who isnt like that shes probbably messing with your head without you realising it. They wont get past that phase for a while you'll have to get use to it

For now i'll stick to hook ups.[/b]

Thats the way man :cheers: I never understood why young people would try to get into a serious relationship so early. I believe in having fun while I still can, I don't want no chick locking me down only to find out years later that we werent meant to be.

 

[Gay-Guy]

Girls can't help themselves wanting a guy who is suddenly "taken". Happens EVERYWHERE....you have just experienced an all too common experience that guys have when they hook up.



What you need to get into your head is this.....these girls who are suddenly interested...where were they before when you were single? Because when you go single again to give these girls a go....they will quickly lose interest....AND THEN YOU WILL BE LEFT WITH NOTHING BUT REGRETS! This has happened to me and a few of the guys on this actual forum....so wake up and realise that the only real woman who is WORTH IT is the one who wanted you when you were single! If the others didn't want you when you were single and suddenly find you sexy because they see that someone else in the world thinks you are sexy...they are shallow women with no depth or substance and despite being super gorgeous are not really worthy of you mating with such low lack of decency creatures. I mean...what sort of women would try and take another woman's man? They are not even worthy to be a trusted friend as deceit is part of their makeup and you are not exempt from that.



Take a look at the woman in front of you who sees the good in you...who sees that you are unique....special....the woman who trusts you enough to give her time to....to open her legs to you....to open her heart to you. Go down that road and focus solely on her. Begin to see what makes her special...because she must be special to see the special things in you....start shift your sexual energy to her and polarise it for her only....resist the sexual habits that exclude her as you cannot grow further sexually if these things are in the way. Make her your number one....then these other worthless temptations will begin to slowly fade away.

 

[C A Iversen]

Stop it GG, your killing me!!!

That was the finest example of mixing the complete truth with subtle humour I've ever read.

You are New Zealand's Dr Phil my man. Publish something, I'll buy it.

 

[SaintsFan_Webby]

Interesting that other people have actually had similar experiences.

And this, "to open her legs to you....to open her heart to you" is possibly the most contrasting use of the word 'open' I've ever heard.

 

[edinburgh_gunner]

I have a theory.


Basically, when your single...you might be chatting up a girl in a bar, club etc and only about 50% of the time will that work because women - being the weird species that they are - will think that all your after is sex and not much more and without wanting to generalise, most women aren't as up for that as guys are.

But when your going out with someone, well your not trying to pull. So, you'll just be yourself and talk to women as you would do to your friends. They might find this attractive, cause they won't think that your just trying to pull, so they're more likley to stay and talk to you and get to know you etc and end up thinking your not half bad.

Personal experience has led me to this conclusion. See, when on tour...I was the only one with a girlfriend. Now while I did a bit of the lad on tour, flirty sort of thing, I was in no way going to cheat on my (now ex) girlfriend. All of the other lads were trying it on, but getting no where. I ended up with a couple of phone numbers and e-mails. Now I think there's something in that.

I used this theory when (sort of) chatting up my new girlfriend. I didn't try and pull any moves, show off etc etc. I was compleltey myself. Boom, within the same night of meeting here...I had a number, msn address and a date lined up for the following weekend.

There has to be something in this theory. Anyone else think similarly?

 

[Gay-Guy]

I have a theory.


Basically, when your single...you might be chatting up a girl in a bar, club etc and only about 50% of the time will that work because women - being the weird species that they are - will think that all your after is sex and not much more and without wanting to generalise, most women aren't as up for that as guys are.

But when your going out with someone, well your not trying to pull. So, you'll just be yourself and talk to women as you would do to your friends. They might find this attractive, cause they won't think that your just trying to pull, so they're more likley to stay and talk to you and get to know you etc and end up thinking your not half bad.

Personal experience has led me to this conclusion. See, when on tour...I was the only one with a girlfriend. Now while I did a bit of the lad on tour, flirty sort of thing, I was in no way going to cheat on my (now ex) girlfriend. All of the other lads were trying it on, but getting no where. I ended up with a couple of phone numbers and e-mails. Now I think there's something in that.

I used this theory when (sort of) chatting up my new girlfriend. I didn't try and pull any moves, show off etc etc. I was compleltey myself. Boom, within the same night of meeting here...I had a number, msn address and a date lined up for the following weekend.

There has to be something in this theory. Anyone else think similarly? [/b]

It isn't a theory...it is the way it is.



If you want a bonk....just approach girls and pretty much get straight to the point about what you feel. They ALREADY KNOW why you are there...so don't try and pretend that you are there to get to know them and to enhance their life as an individual.


If you want a relationship.....well that takes time because that word "relationship" is exactly what it says. It diesn't normally start by pulling off each others clothes straight away....you want to get to know them as a person...then do that.


It becomes complicated and stressful for you and for her when you walk into a bar and PRETEND that you are not wanting anything....the girls see that self assuredness and may go for you...afterwards they realise that all you wanted was a bonk....bad ending....or a bad beginning becase you didn't get anyone because the girls in the bar wanted someone to actually bonk if they would just ask. So altogether to play the "game" if you want quick action is too stressful. Better to just put it out there like a net and see who bites rather than try and spear the one fish and risk missing completely.

 

[Caledfwlch]

One of the Black Eyed Peas was in Singapore recently and was giving an interview bout his releationships. What he said was, that if yo're planning on cheating, 9 out of 10 times, your partners prolly already done that. So stay clean.

 

[St Helens RLFC]

I also have a theory. Women are a pain in the hoopla. I am sort of back together with Mrs SHRLFC but I am taking things very, very slowly. I am spending some time and money on me for the first time in three years. I am concentrating on TRF, seriously considering buying a parrot again and clearling off the old debts with a loan.

Tim, you're in an irritating situation. I don't know exactly how you feel as I haven't exactly been in a triumvate of targets' sights. I ain't the best looker, but I would hope I'm seen as a nice guy. Women DO like to get what they can't have, that is damn right. I have heard about 50 women admit that in my time knowing and understanding life and it annoys me more every time I hear it.

I find two things in life more confusing than others. Rugby Union and women's logic.

 

[SaintsFan_Webby]

Tim, you're in an irritating situation. I don't know exactly how you feel as I haven't exactly been in a triumvate of targets' sights.[/b]

It wasn't used as a boast, believe me. First time ever experienced such a situation as well, I'm usually over the moon if one person shows interest.

An update - one of the other girls knows we're just friends, but I am going to speak to the other one when she gets in touch. The problem with the second girl is that she is my 'what if' woman. We seemed to have a lot in common and click the first time we met, and I'd be in an even worse position if I didn't at least talk to her and realise that she pales in comparison to what I have.

I figure there's no law against retaining friends, and at least it'll stop me wondering...

 

[St Helens RLFC]

Horrible situation.

I don't have a "what if" woman, I have a "what if" life to be honest. Think wisely. I know you will.

 

[sambãd5]

ahh you see, when you get into the situation like i was in, having a freind who was/is your what if, will kill your relationship. yes, it it is good to have a good balance of pride in your partner and some jelously, but when your partner, (like my ex) spends some time with another man, who you know she is, was or could well be attracted to them, it becomes a whole nother major problem

however on my frount, i have met a lovely girl, but she is going back to london at the start of march but moving here in 6 months or so...

 

[Brodizzle]

I find two things in life more confusing than others. Rugby Union and women's logic.
[/b]

Isn't that an oxymoron?

 

[Dmx#1]

What a woman wants and what a woman is attracted to are two different things. Sure every chick wants a knight in shining armor, but for some reason chicks are attracted to (confident) jerks. If you be a nice guy and treat a girl like a queen your ass will get dumped fast. Be a jerk the relationship will last longer. This is the truth and even girls have told me this wtf is wrong with you women?

 

[Gay-Guy]

What a woman wants and what a woman is attracted to are two different things. Sure every chick wants a knight in shining armor, but for some reason chicks are attracted to (confident) jerks. If you be a nice guy and treat a girl like a queen your ass will get dumped fast. Be a jerk the relationship will last longer. This is the truth and even girls have told me this wtf is wrong with you women?
[/b]

I have to agree.



My philosophy for dealing with this is.....if they are wanting a jerk ahead of you...then they are not worth putting your thing in.....they are as cheap as the type of guy they are chasing...let them have each other.

 

[Dmx#1]

My philosophy for dealing with this is.....if they are wanting a jerk ahead of you...then they are not worth putting your thing in.....they are as cheap as the type of guy they are chasing...let them have each other. [/b]

[/b]

The problem is EVERY girl is like that, no exceptions. According to my uncle (whos bagged a lot of chicks) told me girls don't get past that 'phase' till they're about 30 onwards. In fact, the girl who manipulated him (mindgames etc) the most was 27 years old. He didnt even realise all the games she was playing with him until he dumped her.
It sucks for my cousin because hes geniune and a really nice guy but his long term girlfriend treats him like ****. I know other guys who are really cool but they get shitted on by girls because they're too nice.

The moral of the story: If your a confident jerk chicks will be like putty in your hands.If your nice getting a girlfriend is a lot harder unless your really good looking. However you don't need good looks to be a confident jerk.

It would be interesting to get a female perspective on this even though I'm right.