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Songwriting....

M

Mr. Laxative

Guest
Guys... some months ago I started songwriting thread. Needless to say, like many things I have done, it brought much controversy and/or critism. For example some didn't really think of my writing as songs, but rather as poems. Well, it's time to get the songwriting up and running again...

If you are at all musical or have written a song, post it up!! It'd be interesting to see how this goes.

To kick us off (excuse the pun), here is my newest:



Le visage est perdu au monde - The Face Is Lost to The World

He stares at the world.
Eyes open wide
Looking into space…

Those dark, empty hollows…
They’re hauntingly there,
Like swirling whirlpools.

And his face
And his face
Couldn’t be more pale,
He’s barely there.
Sitting cross-legged on the lawn
Day-to-day.
But this’ll be his last,
It had to end this way…
According to him anyway.
Dumped by the one he could snare… almost.
But it pained him when she said
“You’ve got a f***in’ ugly face!â€

And his face
And his face
Couldn’t be more pale,
He’s barely there.
Sitting cross-legged on the lawn.
May as well be naked – and dead on the cross.
And no one can save him.
Mmm… that last f***in’ line
Compounded it all in his soul.
Oh… it tore him to shreads.
Those dark empty hollows…
They’re hauntingly there…

And no one can save him,
No one can save him…
He’s taken the cocktail…

He’ll be gone,
He’ll be gone,
He’ll be gone,
He’ll be gone…
That f***in’ ugly face – it’ll be gone…


And no one can save him.
It had to end this way.
That line,
That line
That compounded it all in his soul.
It drove him to this…
Mmm… she told him,
He had a f***in’ ugly face.

Oh… those dark empty hollows…
They’re hauntingly there,
Like swirling whirlpools.

And his face
And his face
Could not have been more pale,
He was barely there.
Sitting cross-legged on the lawn
Day-to-day.
But this was his last,
It had to end this way…

He’s dead on the cross.
No one could save him.
He’d taken the cocktail.
And they won’t hear him again…
They won’t see him again…
Never to be heard of,
Never to be seen,
He won’t be remembered again.

He’s gone,
He’s gone,
He’s gone,
He’s gone…
That f***in’ ugly face – it’s gone…

Le visage…
Le visage…
Il est allé...
Perdu au monde.
 
D

Dmx#1

Guest
It sounds depressing and emo like. I cant really criticize since i don't know much about songwriting.
 
D

Dmx#1

Guest
Im doing a play on the Rkelly & Usher song - same girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDW_X63A-Ng

Basically just replace pimp with r kellz and usher with Bitch

Pimp:Yo bitch,
Bitch: What up pimp
Pimp: I wanna introduce to dis hoe, i really wanna pimp this hoe
Bitch: Yeah
Pimp : Man she so thick
Bitch:Straight up dawg
Pimp: She stand about 4’4†she really really thick boned
Bitch:Damn
Pimp: She has biceps like kurt angle, Saggy titties and they dangle all the way to her tankles
Wears bandanas like shes rambo
got a crib on 8th street right next to KFC see
And I call her “Feacesâ€
Bitch:Wait a minute hold on dawg.Do she got a wig?
Pimp: Yep
Bitche: a mole thats looks like a 8 ball?
Pimp:Yep
Bitch: Does she have Has stolen Cable?
Pimp:Man?
Bitch: Favourite game is fable?
Pimp:Yep
Takes cash,check or bagles?
Pimp:Yep
Bitch:Man I can’t believe this bitch… damn
Pimp: Tell me whats wrong bitch, what the hell you damnin about Im your pimp so just say whats on your mind
Bitch:Man I didn’t know that you were talking bout her
Pimp:So man your telling me you know her?
Bitch:Do I know her? like George Bush knows his work

Pimp & Bitch:We messing with the same hoe same hoe
Pimp:how could the hoe of my life,
Bitch: and my potential dyke be the
Pimp & Bitch:Same girl same girl
Bitch:Man I can’t believe that we’ve been messing with the
Pimp & Bitch:Same hoe same hoe
Thought she someone that I can trust
but she’s been doubling up with us
P , B , man we’ve been messing with the same hoe

Pimp:See I met her at this party in Parramata
Bitch:Well I met her at this party in Otago
Bitch: She came right up to me givin me domination
I said do you got a pimp she said no, with no hesitation
Pimp: Well it must be a music thing cause she wanted to tango
had her body all in my face, when I’m laughin buyin her sandals
She whispered in my ear and said can you take me home
Bitch: me too
Pimp:Man she was in the otago singin that same song
is that true?

I cant be bothered doing this anymore
 
M

Mr. Laxative

Guest
Can't post the tune at the moment, however think Damien Rice and you'll have the style...
 
B

BobBronson

Guest
i thought it would be better/easier to start with the chords and the melody...
 
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