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<blockquote data-quote="Packman" data-source="post: 611271" data-attributes="member: 70378"><p>This is a film review for the Movie Thread that got completely out of hand. It was a slow day at the office... Don't read if you are of a fragile disposition or very sensible.</p><p></p><p>I watched Mama last night. It's a ghost story. It has a good premise but the script didn't quite get as much out of the idea as you'd like. The one big plus was the cool heroine who plays bass guitar in a punk rock band. She's really likable which means you care what happens to her character, something that makes of breaks most horror movies.</p><p></p><p>The one worst aspects was the ghost, who was this badly drawn C.G.I. cartoon which just got worse the more light the director shone onto it. You could imagine the producer telling the CGI company that he wanted the ghost out of The Grudge with the odd idea nicked from a M.R. Jame's short story The Dairies of Mr Poyter, but he must have been gutted at what he actually got. I think Guillemo Del Toro was the Exec Producer. I expect better from him to be honest. I'm starting to wonder why, because his remake of Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark was terrible.</p><p></p><p>Alright <strong>Plot Spoiler</strong>:</p><p></p><p>I liked the idea of feral children being brought up by an insane ghost. There is so much scope for unsettling scares. It reminds me of this episode of Masters Of Horror about a feral young woman with a body to die for but a hideously deformed face. She has this animal cunning and is actually utterly malevolent and manipulative, she gets men to protect her by pretending to be all vulnerable and then seduces the, but all the while she's eating the pet cat and the little girl next door and hiding the corpses in the woods. I think it would have been very scary if the smallest girl in Mama was doing the same sort of thing. The foster parents have this cute dachhund with its big brown eyes and tiny little legs, which is kinda fascinating because they can;t really run away very quickly. I would've had this scene where the youngest girl chases it out the house, down the backyard, rugby tackling it by the back gate and then ripping its throat out with her teeth. Having a cute yet utterly evil and cunning little psychopath being coached by an insane ghost would have been so cool. Every time the kid got up in the middle of the night and sneaked about the house to meet the ghost you'd be worried if she was going kill the adults in their beds!</p><p></p><p>Here's a story board. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> </p><p></p><p>Before:- [ATTACH]2574[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #FF8C00">"Woof Woof! I'm so cute. Please don't eat me!"</span></em></strong></p><p></p><p>After: </p><p></p><p>[ATTACH]2575[/ATTACH]</p><p></p><p><strong><em><span style="color: #FF0000">"Mmmmm! That was for starters! Now for the badass rock chick main course!!!!!"</span> </em></strong></p><p></p><p>I also think the movie needed a scene on the beach where all these girls are playing volleyball in their bikinis and then they go into the woods to spend the night in the haunted cabin. Then a gang of Hell's Angels bikers turn up and take them hostage for their own nefarious purposes, but then the rock chick turns up with her punk band who should be called <em><strong><span style="font-family: 'Arial Black'"><span style="color: #FF0000"><span style="color: #EE82EE">Pussy Inferno!</span></span></span></strong></em> (with a flaming moggy motif.) to play a gig and the Bikers make the Bikini girl pretend that everything is fine until the band start playing on stage at which point Hot Rock Chick notices that all the bikini girls are actually too scared to dance properly and then she notices the guns the bikers have pressed into their backs so she uses her ninja skills to blind the bikers by flicking plectrums into their eyes, a gun goes off shooting the light bulb and the cabin is plunged into darkness and then the ghost appears and starts killing everyone in a massive orgy of blood and the dead come back as zombies and in the end all that's left is the Rock Chick a couple of hot bikini girls, the chief evil biker who has to join forced with the girls and the children who are may or may not be on the ghost's side. Cue an A Team moment where they all make lots of weapons in a montage with a punk rock sound track. (cue bass guitar with axe heads fixed to it) and then they come out swinging, killing all the zombies, the biker chief throws the evil kid off the cliff losing two of his fingers in the process (smeagol homage), the bikini girls get eaten and then have to be chopped up as they turn into zombies. Rock chick uses the Unholy Riff of Jeff (UNDISPUTED ATTITUDE!) Hannaman to exorcise the ghost and save the good older kid, (What? of course this story has some morals, its got kids in it.) Then the chief biker is left with the rock chick and they regard each other hostilely realizing that these woods ain't big enough for the both of them and POW they get it on. Bass Guitar Axe vs retractable spikes and crotch cannon (last seen in From dusk till dawn). the biker looks like he's going to win when goodie feral girl runs up behind him and kicks him between his legs in the nuts and when be doubles over Rock Chick dives between his legs and grabbed the crotch cannon in a very suggestive manner. He gazed down the front of her torn V neck tee-shirt and says "Bleep me you have a real fine pair *****, shame I gotta kill ya." and she purrs something cool and filthy like um, "Well don't get too excited Sugar or you'll explode all over your face." and then she fires the crotch cannon blows his head off. THE END.</p><p></p><p>PG certificate I reckon.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Packman, post: 611271, member: 70378"] This is a film review for the Movie Thread that got completely out of hand. It was a slow day at the office... Don't read if you are of a fragile disposition or very sensible. I watched Mama last night. It's a ghost story. It has a good premise but the script didn't quite get as much out of the idea as you'd like. The one big plus was the cool heroine who plays bass guitar in a punk rock band. She's really likable which means you care what happens to her character, something that makes of breaks most horror movies. The one worst aspects was the ghost, who was this badly drawn C.G.I. cartoon which just got worse the more light the director shone onto it. You could imagine the producer telling the CGI company that he wanted the ghost out of The Grudge with the odd idea nicked from a M.R. Jame's short story The Dairies of Mr Poyter, but he must have been gutted at what he actually got. I think Guillemo Del Toro was the Exec Producer. I expect better from him to be honest. I'm starting to wonder why, because his remake of Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark was terrible. Alright [B]Plot Spoiler[/B]: I liked the idea of feral children being brought up by an insane ghost. There is so much scope for unsettling scares. It reminds me of this episode of Masters Of Horror about a feral young woman with a body to die for but a hideously deformed face. She has this animal cunning and is actually utterly malevolent and manipulative, she gets men to protect her by pretending to be all vulnerable and then seduces the, but all the while she's eating the pet cat and the little girl next door and hiding the corpses in the woods. I think it would have been very scary if the smallest girl in Mama was doing the same sort of thing. The foster parents have this cute dachhund with its big brown eyes and tiny little legs, which is kinda fascinating because they can;t really run away very quickly. I would've had this scene where the youngest girl chases it out the house, down the backyard, rugby tackling it by the back gate and then ripping its throat out with her teeth. Having a cute yet utterly evil and cunning little psychopath being coached by an insane ghost would have been so cool. Every time the kid got up in the middle of the night and sneaked about the house to meet the ghost you'd be worried if she was going kill the adults in their beds! Here's a story board. :D Before:- [ATTACH=CONFIG]2574[/ATTACH] [B][I][COLOR="#FF8C00"]"Woof Woof! I'm so cute. Please don't eat me!"[/COLOR][/I][/B] After: [ATTACH=CONFIG]2575[/ATTACH] [B][I][COLOR="#FF0000"]"Mmmmm! That was for starters! Now for the badass rock chick main course!!!!!"[/COLOR] [/I][/B] I also think the movie needed a scene on the beach where all these girls are playing volleyball in their bikinis and then they go into the woods to spend the night in the haunted cabin. Then a gang of Hell's Angels bikers turn up and take them hostage for their own nefarious purposes, but then the rock chick turns up with her punk band who should be called [I][B][FONT=Arial Black][COLOR="#FF0000"][COLOR="#EE82EE"]Pussy Inferno![/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT][/B][/I] (with a flaming moggy motif.) to play a gig and the Bikers make the Bikini girl pretend that everything is fine until the band start playing on stage at which point Hot Rock Chick notices that all the bikini girls are actually too scared to dance properly and then she notices the guns the bikers have pressed into their backs so she uses her ninja skills to blind the bikers by flicking plectrums into their eyes, a gun goes off shooting the light bulb and the cabin is plunged into darkness and then the ghost appears and starts killing everyone in a massive orgy of blood and the dead come back as zombies and in the end all that's left is the Rock Chick a couple of hot bikini girls, the chief evil biker who has to join forced with the girls and the children who are may or may not be on the ghost's side. Cue an A Team moment where they all make lots of weapons in a montage with a punk rock sound track. (cue bass guitar with axe heads fixed to it) and then they come out swinging, killing all the zombies, the biker chief throws the evil kid off the cliff losing two of his fingers in the process (smeagol homage), the bikini girls get eaten and then have to be chopped up as they turn into zombies. Rock chick uses the Unholy Riff of Jeff (UNDISPUTED ATTITUDE!) Hannaman to exorcise the ghost and save the good older kid, (What? of course this story has some morals, its got kids in it.) Then the chief biker is left with the rock chick and they regard each other hostilely realizing that these woods ain't big enough for the both of them and POW they get it on. Bass Guitar Axe vs retractable spikes and crotch cannon (last seen in From dusk till dawn). the biker looks like he's going to win when goodie feral girl runs up behind him and kicks him between his legs in the nuts and when be doubles over Rock Chick dives between his legs and grabbed the crotch cannon in a very suggestive manner. He gazed down the front of her torn V neck tee-shirt and says "Bleep me you have a real fine pair *****, shame I gotta kill ya." and she purrs something cool and filthy like um, "Well don't get too excited Sugar or you'll explode all over your face." and then she fires the crotch cannon blows his head off. THE END. PG certificate I reckon. [/QUOTE]
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