Song writing

Discussion in 'The Clubhouse Bar' started by Mr. Laxative, Dec 4, 2006.

  1. Mr. Laxative

    Mr. Laxative Guest

    Guys,

    As you may well be aware I have a small band - and we are surprisingly good (seriously, no bias ;) )

    Anyway, Over the past week or so, I've really been working hard getting some decent lyrics together for some songs. I aim to release a "digital EP" in the near future firstly on MySpace and depending on demand maybe elsewhere, as well. Despite my great efforts, I'm stuck for a few ideas and I want my options vast so that we can record a number of songs - some that we don't release. Now, I suppose what I'm getting to here is a little competition I want to get running. This is of course a rugby forum and I may be better served on a music forum, but I figure we've got some musical characters on here so here goes: GIVE US YOUR SONGS!!

    Basically, post up you lyrics and if you want a link to your own sample recording. I will come to a decision and short list the four best songs as seen by me and then put them in a poll. It will be up to other members to decide which writer gets their song recorded by The Lams, and a possible future partnership with the group.

    Of course those that don't win can use this as an opportunity for us (the members) to recognise their work - and remember CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is more than welcome.

    Guidelines:
    1. One song can be produced per member per post.
    2. Each member can only have one of their songs in the top four - so don't complain if you get two great songs posted up and only one is chosen to go further.
    3. Be aware that The Lams use mostly vocals, acoustic guitar and some piano and drums/percussion. It may be a good idea to show which musical instruments are used in the piece - particularly if a recording is provided.
    4. The name of the "Album" or "EP" will be Unfinished Picture so you may want to try to stick to a particular theme.
    5. Be creative!!!


    To give you an idea for what I'm looking for I have posted a song of mine below:


    Enjoy!! :D

    Mr. Laxative

    Lead singer of The Lams
     
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  3. MonoTurd

    MonoTurd Guest

    any information about the kind of music your "band" plays?

    like is it a boy band? or a christian easy-listening band? or an african-american church gospel group?

    and by the way, that song you wrote sucked

    thats just poor writing
     
  4. WTF is that song even about?

    Most songs usually have some sort of point or message - that just has poor lyrics about Armenians.

    :huh:
     
  5. nehno2

    nehno2 Guest

    huh the lams are o .T. p(on the ****) lol

    u musta written them lyrics wen u where out of it a man!!
     
  6. ..::ERIC::..

    ..::ERIC::.. Guest

    Hmm I really don't like those lyrics. I'm not going to pretend I can do better but yeah I don't think I could listen to a song with those lyrics.
     
  7. Goth Power

    Goth Power Guest

    Funny you should mention song wrighting as me and the missus are currently putting together some lyrics for a song in remembrance of her recently departed mother.

    It might sound depressing but it shall not be that bad. Featuring a light guitar tone, a slow drum beat, and perhaps piano in there too.

    She has the voice of an angel so maybe you'l get to hear it if we record.

    When they are completed maybe I'l post them maybe I wont.
     
  8. umosay

    umosay Guest

    Laxative... to put it bluntly - that song f'n sucks! lol!

    14 is a bit young to pretend to start a band.
     
  9. Yeah, those lyrics aren't too good. I'll try and be supportive because I'm also in a band. What kind of genre is it? Because alot of Hard Rock songs are written with very simple lyrics. Try not to say the title of the song in every verse, it sounds annoying and is kind of an overkill. If you're going to say the title of the song, say it in the chorus and have both the verses and chorus separated (make them very different and distinctive from each other). Also, consider the meaning of the song before you write it, is it about death? Is it about love? Is it about being 'Back In Black' :p? Writing a song about life experiences helps too. Anyway, best of luck to you and your band :)
     
  10. Mr. Laxative

    Mr. Laxative Guest

    Cheers, buddy.

    Yeah looking back on it - it does suck. It sounds pretty decent but the lyrics yeah. I chucked it together pretty qucikly and didn't give it much thought. We've bascially been doing covers of songs and giving it our sound, but I wanted to get aheadwith the writing part. It is a more up beat song. And neh, yeah I did wirte it when I wasn't thinking to well. :(

    Our genre: well, it's light rock with a blues/jazz sort of feel.

    Having looked bck pn this first song and realising, how **** it is just proves how much help I need. So, anyway those that want to show of your songs and we can make a fairly in depth discussion (with CONSTRUCTIVE criticism).

    Anyway I've had another go at a song and I'm really happy with this one - particular thanks to Riders of the Storm for his criticisms - they've been a great help. This song is the title track for the EP, but as yet is unfinished. I have taken my time with this one and I am getting there. This is more of a ballad in contrast to the first try:

    So, tell us what you think, and post up your own - if you want!
     
  11. Still makes very little sense.

    Why would a random girl (assuming it is a girl) paint or have anything to do with some guy lying on the floor. Yes, I understand that it's probably metaphorical, but the metaphor makes no sense.

    The second verse doesn't work at all. After reading the first I actually held some hope, but then it goes downhill.

    "I had one purple eye, dust on my right cheek
    And my left arm was limp and weak,
    I think I was bashed yesterday evening and
    Probably left for dead."

    This bit is where it goes particularly wrong - the last two lines actually made me cringe.

    Go and read some poetry - Wilde, Byron etc - and then take a look at some light rock and punk type lyrics (The Ramones, Snow Patrol, Keane etc). See what they do with words and then try and imitate it.

    Having first established what you want the lyrics to actually convey of course.
     
  12. Mr. Laxative

    Mr. Laxative Guest

    Here's a better less "cringeier" version: What do you think?

     
  13. I still don't understand how the idea of painting in the title and chorus links in with any of the verses.
     
  14. MonoTurd

    MonoTurd Guest

    I dont understand the whole "paint me" metaphor.

    I do, however, like the "That little cracked mirror showed a broken man." line but thats probably all i like about the song
     
  15. kaftka

    kaftka Guest

    f*** what everyone else said. The Saint and the Sinner sounds like a brilliant song. No bull it is really really really good. Like an Ed Wood film.
     
  16. Mr. Laxative

    Mr. Laxative Guest

    Cough *** Cough! Kaftka mate - good to see you back. Good to see you like the song as well! No bull right?

    Anyway - I've finished the other song, but have now changed the title to 'So Incomplete'. Please don't draw connections with the Backstreet Boys. Also, I have removed the painting metaphor, but left the 'unfinished picture' as a simile.

    I am in the process of typing it up, right now and will show it very soon!! I'm quite happy with this one, even if it is a little long....... about 5 minutes!
     
  17. :lol2tn:

    :bravo:
     
  18. loratadine

    loratadine Guest

    i love the lams
     
  19. Mr. Laxative

    Mr. Laxative Guest

    Thanks lora! Many people do! B) :bana:

    Anyway, here is my finished work:

     
  20. woosaah

    woosaah Guest

    all i can say is...


    :wall:
     
  21. Doesn't sound like it's going to be catchy somehow. Including complex sentences in a song probably isn't the best thing to do. It reads more like a poem than anything - you need to take breaths in the middle of lines.
     
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