Transcript of New Zealand Selection metting

Discussion in 'All Other Sports' started by woosaah, Feb 14, 2007.

  1. woosaah

    woosaah Guest

    The Black Caps World Cup squad was announced on Tuesday with Daryl Tuffey the selection bolter.

    Tvnz.co.nz has obtained what is thought to be a copy of a transcript from Monday's meeting of the NZ Cricket selection panel of Sir Richard Hadlee, John Bracewell, Glenn Turner and Dion Nash in Hadlee's dining room as they put together their team for the West Indies.

    Hadlee: "Ok you guys, we need to sort this today. Who is going to the World Cup?"

    Turner: "First things first mate, can we have a cuppa? Sukhi always says a good cuppa calms me down when I'm talking about Craig McMillan."

    Hadlee: "Alright. But it'll cost you $1.50. And I want the cash now."

    Nash: "Don't worry about me Paddles, I've got a V. I'm sweet. Man! Did you guys see Treasure Island last night! Far out...Rebecca Loos is hot as!"

    Bracewell: "Can we focus please lads. I've got to face the media tomorrow with this squad announcement and I want to make sure I nail it. I don't want to give that smug sod Richard Boock anything to hit me up about."

    Hadlee (shouting from the kitchen while making the tea): "Did you guys see Parore's piece in the Herald over the weekend!? That guy is such a pain in the arse..."

    Turner: "Trust me, you guys don't know the half of it. NOW can you see why I punted him when we were in the Windies in 96? This one time he..."

    Bracewell: "Lads please!"

    Hadlee, Turner, Nash (in unison): "Sorry Braces..."

    Bracewell: "OK. So we're all sweet with Flem as skipper right?"

    Hadlee (returning): "Yeah mate."

    Turner: "Of course..."

    Nash: "Seriously, you guys should check out Rebecca Loos. What? Flem? Yeah man, he's wicked awesome."

    Bracewell: "Ok...Lou at number two?"

    Hadlee: "Actually John, I'm the convenor of selectors, I should be running this. Umm...Ok...what do you guys think about Lou?"

    Nash: "He's a different cougar that one. He's cool though. You guys should go pig hunting with him in Cairns. Good times."

    Turner: "He reminds me a little bit of me actually. He's not scared to try something different with the bat and he seems a little more mature and solid these days."

    Bracewell: "Cool. So that's two down. First drop? Anyone got any dramas with Ross?

    Hadlee (nudging Bracewell): "Ahem. John..."

    Bracewell: "Sorry Paddles."

    Hadlee: "Anyone got any dramas with Ross?"

    Nash: "Nah, he's sweet mate. He can boom it miles when he hits it right."

    Turner: "Are his hamstrings going to hold up in the Windies? It gets pretty hot there."

    Nash: "He'll be sweet Turns. I'll sort him out with some Anti-Flamme cream Bernie gave me. She used it on her knee. She swears by the stuff."

    Hadlee: "So that's three then. Number four?"

    Turner: "Styris for me guys. He's done well over there before and he's in reasonable touch. Are we considering him as an allrounder though?" His back isn't in good shape."

    Nash: "Piggy will be fine Turns. I hooked him up with some Voltaren when I was round his place last week. Plus, he needs a tan. The Windies will do him good."

    Bracewell: "That's four sorted then. Now we're getting somewhere."

    Hadlee: "Number five. Now Glenn, don't go nuts, but I say Craig for that spot."

    Turner (getting angry): "No way!!!!!! You guys bullied me into including him for the tri-series and I'm not going to buckle this time."

    Nash: "Look Turns, he's cool. He gets under the Aussies' skin. I love it when he gives Gilchrist a serve as soon as he gets out there. Quality. Plus he bowls mate and he gets the odd wicket. And Marshy can't hit it off the square right now."

    Turner: (screaming): "Look, there is no way I'm going to be part of a panel that recalls him to the team!! If he's in, I'm gone. Simple as that."

    Bracewell: "Ok Glenn calm down mate. I've just a got a text from Flem saying that if we include McMillan he'll take care of him in the Windies."

    Hadlee: "Stephen's got enough to worry about right now doesn't he? He doesn't need to babysit Craig for a month."

    Bracewell (firm): "Look, you're forgetting I'll be there too. If he starts facing square leg when he's in the nets or any nonsense like that I'll have Bondy scone him one."

    Nash: "Yeah Bondy!"

    Turner (calming down): "I tried that with Cairns but it didn't work either. Look, it's your funeral John. If you want him, you can have him. But I want to get something in return. When we name the side for the England tour next summer you have to include at least one of the Otago lads."

    Bracewell: "Ok. It's a deal. We'll give Brendon a rest for that stupid Twenty20 stuff and give Hopkins a run. You cool with that?"

    Turner (grudgingly): "I guess..."

    Hadlee: "Nice work guys. Ok. I think we all agree that Jake is our number six with Brendon at seven and Dan at number eight so let's just move on."

    Bracewell (muttering under his breath): "I still think Brendon should open..."

    Nash: "Braces, you need to let that go mate. Nightmare."

    Hadlee: "We're getting a real head of steam up here guys. Anyone want a piece of Russian Slice? I made it myself."

    Turner: "Can we keep going? I've got to get back. Sukhi wants me home."

    Nash: "Yeah mate lets keep going. New Brighton beach is looking good right now."

    Hadlee: "Number nine?"

    Bracewell: "Franko. End of."

    Turner (agitated): "What is your deal with him? Yeah, he can throw the bat at the end but he couldn't find a length right now with a compass and a map."

    Bracewell: "Look, he can bat and bowl. Yes, his bowling isn't too hot right now..."

    Turner (cynical): "Right now...?"

    Bracewell: "Shut up Glenn. He's a left-armer. You can't buy that type of variety. As long as he angles it towards Flem's buckets in the slips I don't care how many he goes for. We've got Dan and Jeetan to slow things down after him."

    Turner: "Fine. If we're going to select people just because they are left-handed let's see what Richard Collinge and Murphy Sua are up too while we are at it?"

    Hadlee: "That's enough Glenn! Franklin's in at nine unless Dion has anyone else?"

    Nash (while texting Parore telling him what Turner said earlier): "Nah mate. Frank's fine with me. Now that I'm gone, we need at least one guy who falls away at the crease. I'm big on tradition."

    Hadlee: "Obviously Shane is at number 10 if he's fit..."

    Bracewell: "I spoke to the physio yesterday and Shackel says he's good to go right now but we're getting this new cocoon thing from the US to wrap him in after games so he can't do any more damage. I had a go in it the other day, man it feels weird."

    Turner: "And what if he gets hurt again...?"

    Bracewell: "Gillespie or Mason I say. I can never tell the difference between them anyway."

    Hadlee: "Dion?"

    Nash: "Yeah I'm cool with that. Have Jeets or Mark or Mase fighting it out for number 11. By the way, I just want to say that Jeets is awesome and you should play him more Braces."

    Bracewell (grudgingly): "Yeah. Yeah. Yeah."

    Hadlee: "Ok. The back ups. If we take the guys from the tri-series that'll be Peter, Jeetan and Mason as numbers 12 through 14 if Mark is number 11. So that just leaves the 15th spot."

    Turner: "I'm not a fan of Andre Adams. Too much facial hair for me."

    Nash: "What about Hightower? He's bowled well in the Windies before and I just love it when Crowey gets all fired up if he's bowling the opening over."

    Bracewell: "How's he been doing for Northern?"

    Hadlee: "He's had his moments without being amazing. Chris Martin has been doing a bit of damage for Auckland. One thing to remember here guys is that if we take Chris Harris it'll be his fifth World Cup."

    Bracewell: "And I hear he's been murdering the bowling in the Twenty20 and the State Shield this year too."

    Turner: "Yeah but I could still do that..."

    Nash: "I think it should be Daryl. He's tall so he'll get whatever bounce there is over there plus he shapes it away from the right handers. That's something we don't have now that Millsy's on the shelf."

    Bracewell: "Excellent point Dion. Do you mind if I use that at the press conference tomorrow?"

    Nash: "Sweet as mate."

    Hadlee: "So we're all sorted then?" Here's the team as I have it: Fleming, Vincent, Taylor, Styris, McMillan..."

    Turner: "Grrrrrr"

    Hadlee: "...Oram, McCullum, Vettori, Franklin, Bond, and Gillespie or Patel depending on the conditions, plus Fulton, Mason and Tuffey."

    Nash: "That'll do me boys. I'm off. Braces, let me know if you want me to send down a few in the nets on Thursday."

    Turner: "Is that team going to win us the World Cup?"

    Bracewell: "Ask me again in two months."

    Please note: This transcript may differ slightly from actual events.
     
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  3. esoj

    esoj Guest

    lol that was a good laugh. with the personalites involved it could very well have gone down something similar to this
     
  4. dobrien7

    dobrien7 Guest

    Lol nice one Woosaah :p
     
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