Rugby Union Rugby is the worlds leading contact sport. The sport was invented by England not USA, where it was exported around the world so they have someone else to beat at football. Because they were the best for a long time it was decided that the rest of the world would only be allowed to play amateur games. This game was especially designed for the woman. It has absolutely no contact and is easy on the body. In Australia it became too hot to wear the padding plus the helmets made drinking beer harder, the labour movement of the country deciding that if a man couldn't have a beer when he wanted it would infringe his civil liberties. The ball was egg shaped as these were very cheap and ostriches left them lying all over the place, Rolf Harris is the most famous rugby player of Oz. Soon the kiwis started getting involved but due to their stubby wings find the game very hard to get to grips with but still insist they are the best in the world, mainly because no other team has wings. To prove this they allow wild animals such as Wooden Lions to tour the country. Eventually Asia was allowed to join in because they had run out of wars to fight and it became popular in the UK where lots more animals are allowed to play such as Whales, Wasps, Sharks, Whelks and Tigers in the 6 Nations with France who weren't very good at anything much, it was rumoured that Jockland once played rugby but no team has been seen in recent years.when not working on world domination by getting everyone slammed the Irish play rugby. It is common place in Ireland to use a live cat as the ball and the first player to maim the animal is pronounced the winner. Various attempts to drop kick babies over the post forced matches between England an Ireland to be made illegal and sent to the jungles in South America to live in wooden huts and live off Kangaroo testicles that were imported from a strange French country. Like France, for instance. Eventually, these players came back from South America with Pumas, but the Rugby Union treats these cats like ****. Many provinces in Ireland play the sport. The Munster Juggernauts And the Leinster highlights(No not the reel).The 2 teams were drawn against each other in the European cup, but in the 4th minute a dispute broke out and for the rest of the allotted 80 minutes The Munster And Leinster backs competed to see whose hair was the most over-highlighted and styled. Leinster Were victorious in this encounter as they had Brian O'Driscoll in their squad. In the Past Connacht and Ulster were believed to have played the sport although no proof of this has been Discovered. Rugby union is considered boring by many due to the tendancy of the players to kick the ball frequently. Scoring Scoring in rugby happens in various crisps. One such way is to break the ball by kicking the ball at the people sitting in the stands watching in hopes of hitting one of them in the face thus causing the ball to break. Three points are awarded for a player if they successfully do this. However, the preferred way to score is by grabbing hold of it and jumping on it. This is preferred because rugby players are deathly afraid of the white lines which are on the field believing that if they step on them they will contract white line fever which will cause them to have an inexplicable desire to paint a white line on any and all objects they see. If a player is able to break the ball by jumping on it they are awarded three points for breaking the ball and an additional 4 points if they jump over a white line and avoid getting white line fever. A team automatically wins a match of rugby if they are able to morris dance for five minutes without any one member of the team being beaten to death with a shovel by an opposing player or spectator. Points can also be scored by injuring players of the other team. If during a game you so strike a player on the other team that they bleed, your team receives one point for every pint of blood (rounded up) said player loses. To add to this the player who is bleeding is kicked off the field for the disgrace of bleeding and must eat a whole jar of 5 year old mayonnaise. If you injure an opposing player to the extent that they cannot continue playing your team is awarded two points and another three points for every person that is needed to help the injured player off the field. Rugby Positions Front Row: Without a doubt the manliest men on the pitch. Large, often hairy, beer swilling carnivores that can and will smash anything in their path. Revelling in the violence inherent in the scrum, they are rarely considered "nice" people, and in fact to some they aren't even considered humans at all. Front rowers tolerate this attitude far and wide because they recognize their role at the top of the food chain and are used to suffering the fools that surround them. Accused by some of simply being dumb, I prefer to think of this group as "open to unconventional ways of thinking." Locks: Slightly below the front row on the food chain. They are stronger than backs but fitter than fronts also the tallest men on the field. As with front row players it is inadvisable to put an appendage you wish to keep near this group's maw when they are in the feeding mode. This group of large, often foul-smelling brutes is also more than willing to relish the finer points of stomping on a fallen opponent's body and will gleefully recount the tale ad infinitum. While they tend to take the tag "Powerhouse of the Scrum" a little too seriously, they can be useful if inured with the proper hatred of their fellow man. Major roles of locks include holding the front rows balls and sticking their heads in dark places. While members of this proud fraternity like to think of themselves as "open to unconventional ways of thinking"- they are usually just dumb. Back Row: These are fine, fit fellows who, like a bunch of hermaphrodites, are confused as to what their role in life should be. While they know they are undeniably linked to the forwards, there are those among them who long for the perfect hair and long flowing gowns that come with being a back. Some relish the forward role and will do anything to win the ball and there are others within this group that will break the prime directive of the forward and do anything to prance foolishly with the ball. Generally, these guys are not all bad, but I, personally, have to wonder about any forward who brings a hairbrush and a change of clothes to a game. Scrum Half: Some like to think of this back as an honorary forward (Or midget in most cases). I myself tend to think of the No. 9 as half a fairy. While the toughest back almost always fills this position, this idea is almost laughable - kind of like the hottest fat chick. The scrum half's presence is tolerated by the forwards because they know that he will spin the ball to the rest of the girls in the backline who will inevitably knock the ball on and allow them the pleasure of another scrum. The No. 9 can take pride in the fact that he is the lowest numbered back and that as such he can be considered almost worthwhile. Fly Half: His primary role is the leader of the backs - a dubious honour at best. Main responsibilities as far as I can tell are ability to throw the ball over people's heads and to provide something soft for opposing back rowers to land on. Expected to direct the prancing of the rest of the back line - the fly half, like any good Broadway choreographer, is usually light on his feet. While some may argue that these girls must be protected, I find it hard to support anyone whose foot touches a rugby ball on purpose. Centers: Usually come in two varieties: hard chargers or flitting fairies. The hard charger is the one to acquire, as he will announce his presence in a game with the authority rarely found above No. 8. The flitting fairy is regrettably more common and will usually attempt to avoid contact at all costs. The flitting fairy is also only one good smack away from bursting into tears and leaving the pitch to cry on the shoulder of his inevitable girlfriend. Both types will have extensive collections of hair care products,possibly shave their legs and have curling tongs and manicure sets in their kit bags and will be among the best dressed at the post-game festivities. Back 3: While some people refer to this group as two wingers and a fullback, I swear to God I can't make out any difference between them. They are all bleeping bleeps if you ask me. How these three guys can play 80 minutes of RUGBY and stay clean and sweat free is beyond me. I know for a fact that their jerseys sometimes go back in the bag cleaner than when they came out. These ladies are fond of sayings like "Speed Kills" and "Wheels Win" - how cute. Well, I have a saying too: it's "You're a bleeping bleep!!" These guys will be easy to spot after the game because they are the finely coifed, sweater wearin', wine sippin', sweet-talkers in the corner avoiding the beer swilling curs at the bar. On the whole, I really don't mind this group because in the end, they sure are purty to look at. To finish, all rugby players are monsters. Not that that is a bad thing, however, you may want to be wary of playing the game if you are not interested in being trampled to death by a pack of beer guzzling beasts. Rugby League Rugby League (or Rugby League of Extraordinary Gentlemen as it is more correctly known or "T'int noon of that Soothern shite"), is a different variation on Rugby, played mainly (and badly) by Sean Connery. It is known that other players play Rugby League, but no one can recall their names. Rugby League is particularly popular in areas of low education and employment and to date this stereotype has never been proven wrong. Ever. Basically its rugby for girls who are to scare to roll about on the floor in a ruck. Incase they get trode on, or are secretly gay and couldnt resist gropping someone whilst o n the floor * Rugby league is only playable in women's underwear. * Rugby league is the national sport of Bolivia * Rugby league is a sport only allowed to be played by albino dwarfs. * Rugby league is a simple game played by simple people * Rugby league was originally a play written by Oscar Wilde that was so boring he immediately disowned it and happily left it in the keeping of Ray "Rabbs" Warren. Rugby Facts * It takes Leather Balls to play Rugby. * It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye... then it's a sport! * It's a game played by something slightly resembling to humans with strange shaped balls. * It is seen by a few, as a fighting game with an egg. Of course, these people will be taken and shot, many many times... * Uline plays a variant of rugby utilizing a dead baby instead of a rubber ball. * Bill Gates once thought he was playing rugby, but later realized he was attending a wine and cheese evening. * It's a sport with a few similarities to American Football, although not played by ladyboys with twice the protection, half the pace, softer hits and less fluidity. * In theory Rugby is a lot like soccer, with the obvious exception of the traditional rugby players being real and manly men and the ball being more oval in appearance, rather than spherical. the latter condition came about because John Howard was morally opposed to spherical balls for reasons best not discussed. * The main difference between Rugby and Football is determined by what's between your legs. If that happens to be a vagina, then football is the game for you. If you are a real man, then rugby is your game. * Rugby was originally envisioned as a way for opposing nations to settle international disputes. This is why New Zealand and Ireland now control 100% of the worlds resources. * Rugby Players are the athletes who care the least about their physical state. The average weight of a front row is half a kilogram.