Sh*t, they got me!

Discussion in 'The Clubhouse Bar' started by Nickdnz, Dec 20, 2009.

  1. Nickdnz

    Nickdnz Guest

    They Got Me!

    It was a Saturday just like any other. The Christmas mood had not really set in, but the Christmas money spending was in its prime. But little did I know, today was going to be quite a day. A girl in whom I was trying to impress, asked me if I would be interested in going to a Christmas show with her. Naturally I figured this was my opportunity to leave a good impression. As I arrived at the Michael Fowler Centre, the hall in which the production was on was surrounded by people, friendly people, people in which greeted me warmly, showed me a good seat close to the stage, and made conversation with me while we waited for the production. Now this girl whom I was attempting to impress told me she was in the production, and I had done several plays with her before, so I knew she was very good. What I didn’t realise was that she had two lines, and this wasn’t so much a production but a Mass. A man stood up, and beautiful songs of praise were sung. Now myself, not being of any real religious conviction, decided to get into the spirit, that was mistake one. I sung, clapped and listened to what the preacher was saying. He said that the greatest gift that you could give someone was a gift that what someone didn’t have, what they couldn’t buy and that you could give them. I admit I may have been slow to pick up where he was going with this, but he related touching stories of his life, but to how god saved us all by giving his son to earth. Needless to say, despite my barley religious background, I was in a jollier, festive mood. And then they got me.

    The preacher, who could sell ice to a polar bear, asked a question. “Who here does not attend church as often as they should? Raise your hand†I thought to myself, with the small religious conviction I had that I could probably attend my church more often so unwittingly I raised my hand. “Who here believes in God and Jesus? Keep your hand raised†well I guess I am more or less undecided, but I kept my hand up. “Who here wants a closer relationship with our saviour Jesus Christ?†It couldn’t hurt I guess, I kept my hand raised, thinking that this is as far as it would go. “May the people around those with their hands up, please help those with their hands up to the front†the short charismatic man said. Sh*t. They helped me to the front, shook my hand. I was nervous and anxious to leave, but my troubles were not yet over.
    “Our councillors will now show you to place in which you may receive a copy of the New Testament, and talk to you about our saviour.†I was led to a separate room where a councillor named Greg talked to me about Jesus. “You’re a big unit, how hold are you?â€
    “I’m seventeenâ€
    “Seventeen! You must have just finished up exams etcâ€
    “Yep†I said trying to hurry this extremely polite and caring person along.
    “I joined the church when I was 17†He said, I could see where we were going.

    But I was blind sided yet again. They got down my personal details such as phone numbers, street address etc. They have told me they’ll contact me for barbeques, upcoming events etc, and talked to me about the youth community. I reached the reality that I had been blind sided. I’ve now joined a church called “Ariseâ€. I now have to some how explain to my former church, and Anglican Church which my family has gone to for years, that I will now be attending a new church. The only consolation to my old church was that I attended maybe three times a year.

    Needless to say, the girl who I was trying to convince received some bewildered looks from me. I couldn’t figure out how I went in there to see a Christmas production, and left a member of Arise Church. Anyway, I’m sticking it out, to see where it goes with the girl I was trying to impress. I would like to say goodbye to my Sunday sleep ins.
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  3. Charles

    Charles Guest

    Run... Run away quick and far ...
  4. MunsterMan

    MunsterMan Guest

    Don't give them your bank details :)
  5. shtove

    shtove Guest

    Fishers of men!

    Stay true to yourself and you will have no problems. Well, you will have problems, but you'll overcome them.
  6. cyRil

    cyRil Guest

    If they've got your best interests at heart then good should definitely come of it, if you have faith yourself.
    If you can see they are trying to exploit you, tell them to shove it up their arse.
  7. Nickdnz

    Nickdnz Guest

    Well, as far as I can tell, they seem pretty nice and genuine, but i went i the to watch a play, and came out a member of a new church...So I'm still confused to what happened.
  8. cyRil

    cyRil Guest

    Hmm, yeah. Seems a bit dodgy that she advertised it as a play and then turned out to be nothing like that. Maybe she was just afraid you'd dismiss her off-hand if she was totally honest about it.
    I don't know about it, and neither do I quite know how Christian Cullen has scored that fabulous try on the left!!! :p
  9. Steve-o

    Steve-o Guest

    Sounds like this girl has your balls in her purse.
  10. Nickdnz

    Nickdnz Guest

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Steve-o @ Dec 21 2009, 05:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    :lol: She can have my balls where she likes.
  11. RC

    RC Guest

    I'm not religious, but i'm a very trustworthy person, and as long as you're happy in the end with your decision then that's all that matters, surely.
    Plus, if you get a girl out of all of this: bingo!!!
  12. bristol-iain

    bristol-iain Guest

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (MunsterMan @ Dec 20 2009, 05:59 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Or bend over with them behind you............
  13. cyRil

    cyRil Guest

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Nickdnz @ Dec 21 2009, 09:26 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    :lol: She can have my balls where she likes.
    If she's a proper Christian your balls will be staying where they are for a very long time!
  14. Nickdnz

    Nickdnz Guest

    ...yeah. I know.

    gosh darn you Cyril.
  15. melon

    melon Guest

    Watch out, those evangelist types are a ravenous bunch. Much worse than your run-of-the-mill bible bashers.

    Maybe they aren't that full on though? Regardless, get out.
  16. Nickdnz

    Nickdnz Guest

    Well that failed. She's back with her ex...

    That sucks, now I've got to go to church.
  17. Steve-o

    Steve-o Guest

    Tough luck. If u don't want your balls to be an ornament for her collection at home, leave the church, cut your losses and move on. /Dr Phil rant
  18. bristol-iain

    bristol-iain Guest

    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Nickdnz @ Dec 23 2009, 11:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
    Go with an ironic slogan on a shirt something like this from Tim Minchin

    "To see one of his descendants, an Israeli Jew by the name of Jesus, having a nail hammered through his feet; the very feet that Tony provided him with, as a punishment for having a schizophrenic discourse with a God who was created by man to explain to explain the existence of feet in the absence of knowledge of the existence of Tony.

    Or this from The Hitchikers Guide To The Galaxy

    "Now it is such a bizarrely impossible coincidence that anything so mind-bogglingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as a final and clinching proof of the nonexistence of God. The arguement goes something like this:

    "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."

    "But," say Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."

    "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't though of that" and promply vanishes in a puff of logic.

    A bit long winded I agree so you may aswell go with the classic

    "He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy"
  19. gingergenius

    gingergenius Guest

    1. No one's making you go to church

    2. If you're putting in the effort to go to church for her, you need to fulfill a dirty fantasy and do naughty things behind the altar.

    3. Girls who are religious often have a very irritating purity complex. There's nothing more annoying than getting a girl back and then finding out she's saving herself for someone special. You're probably well out of it...
  20. Nickdnz

    Nickdnz Guest I'm going to church because i feel somewhat abliged to, not for her. personally I hope in the most christian of way possible, her ex falls of his bike and loses his two front teeth.
  21. Ripper

    Ripper Guest

    Your obliged too... how exactly... because you gave them your phone number when you were trying to get your dick wet?
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