Seabass is awsome, but however;
Buck Shelford doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Buck Shelford has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Buck Shelford.
Buck Shelford does not sleep. He waits.
Buck Shelford is the reason why Wally is hiding.
Buck Shelford counted to infinity - twice.
When Buck Shelford does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Buck Shelford is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Buck Shelfords hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Buck Shelford was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Buck Shelford can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Buck Shelford doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Buck Shelford gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Buck Shelford can slam a revolving door.
Buck Shelford does not get frostbite. Buck Shelford bites frost
Buck Shelford doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Buck Shelford kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.
Buck Shelford knows the last digit of pi.
The air around Buck Shelford is always a balmy 78 degrees.
When Buck Shelford wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Buck Shelford plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Buck Shelford created God by snapping his fingers.
Buck Shelford doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Buck Shelford to kill you...Fourty seven times.
The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Buck Shelford and three seven year old girls.
Buck Shelford is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.
Mr. T pities the fool. Buck Shelford rips the fool's head off.
Buck Shelford had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
Buck Shelford has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.
Buck Shelford is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
A man once taunted Buck Shelford with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Buck Shelford proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.
Buck Shelfords favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.
In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Buck Shelford was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Buck Shelford calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Buck Shelford does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Buck Shelford.
Buck Shelford once had sex with a cigarette machine in the Osaka airport.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Buck Shelford fight.
Buck Shelford is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Buck Shelford, because Buck Shelford killed that man.
Buck Shelford wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.
When you play Monopoly with Buck Shelford, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
Buck Shelford describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
Buck Shelford likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.
Buck Shelford can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Buck Shelford does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Buck Shelford did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Buck Shelford touches turns up dead.
Buck Shelfords pulse is measured on the richter scale.
Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Buck Shelford."
Buck Shelford enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.
Buck Shelford CAN in fact 'raise the roof'. And he can do it with one hand.
Kenny G is allowed to live because Buck Shelford doesn't kill women.
For Buck Shelford, every street is "one way". HIS WAY.
There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Buck Shelford.
Buck Shelford once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Buck Shelford heads outside and brands his cattle.
Buck Shelford actually built the stairway to heaven.
Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Buck Shelfords preschool class.
Buck Shelford once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Buck Shelford didn't kill you in your sleep.
Buck Shelford doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Buck Shelfords Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
Buck Shelford needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to **********.
Buck Shelfords invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Buck Shelford hears it. Buck Shelford can hear everything. Buck Shelford can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
Buck Shelford actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Buck Shelford … dies.
Buck Shelford is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can **** on whatever he wants.
Buck Shelford can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.
Buck Shelford doesn't have blood. He is filled with magma.