Dropping my Girlfriend

[TRF C A Iversen]

I'm amazed at the Kiwi attitudes to drugs in this topic. Nickdnz went to a school with a reputation for drugs, where 'most' of his mates have smoked weed. Jesus, I mean that is really tame. I'm not trying to belittle you or anything like that, but I really do think a sense of perspective is in order.

For me, I am surprised to meet anyone who hasn't smoked weed. It is literally that common. Ever since I first started going to parties at 13, someone has always had weed, and so, by the time you leave school, pretty much everyone has had ample oppurtunity to try it - and in my experience the only people I know who never smoked weed are the people who never went out at all.

Next, you talk of drugs such as LSD and E as 'hard' drugs. Well, firstly they are two different types of drug so you can't really group them together. Secondly, compared to heroin and crack, they are not hard drugs at all.

I really do think that, along with being educated about the dangers of drugs, people really ought to be taught about the reasons they are taken.

Hallucinogens, such as LSD, mushrooms and so on, are taken to give the user an out-of-body experience. The user is therefore trying o explore parts of his mind that are otherwise unaccessible.

Stimulants, such as Alcohol, Cocaine, Ecstasy, mephedrone etc. are taken to give the user more energy drive, and a greater sense of connectivity with people.

Depressants, such as marijuana and heroin, are taken to relax the user.

All of them have varying degrees of danger. But if you're making a scale, then weed is right at the bottom. They way it is being talked about here, you'd think it was at the other end with heroin and cocaine.

Furthermore, there's varying degrees that you can be classified as a 'stoner'. Most people who smoke weed do so very occasionally, if it's on offer. There's then a middle group, who will buy their own and smoke every day, but they won't be stoned all day. The people that need worrying about are the third class, the ones whose lifestyle is weed. They are always stoned, to the point where they hardly ever leave home.

Now, of all the people I know who have smoked weed, which is a lot of people, a tiny percentage, less than 5% i reckon, are in the 3rd category. Which in my experience suggests that weed is really not that big a problem at all, and certainly not the menacing substance it seems to be made out to be in this topc.

Hyperbole really. Like a lot of people into a specific drug, you react to minor criticism of it at any level as though it were being called the most evil thing in the world. For example, you mis-quote Nickdnz as saying that LSD and E were hard drugs. All he said is that they were harder. Round up a posse of people who won't agree that they generally have a strong effect on the body than marijuana and come back with them.

No-ones called it the big bad drug you say we have. We're telling the guy that if it doesn't fit in with his life-style then don't be around it.

A couple of people have called it a gateway drug, well that's not exactly true. It is for some people and it isn't for others. More often than not it isn't. People who tend to over indulge in it, either just keep indulging more and more until reaching a state of perpetual use. Others decide it's not crossing any new frontiers for them and try something a little "harder". Note, not super hard, not class A. I wouldn't want to be mis-quoted, lol.

 

[nickdnz]

Hmm, I think you didn't quite follow what I was trying to say, probably my fault. I realise the difference between different drugs, I was meerly pointing out how they moved onto higher classed drugs. I don't think weed is a hard drug and yes, most of my mates do smoke it often. It's become fairly acceptable amongst the youth in New Zealand as it has other places in the world. However the more regular use of drugs and taking higher class drugs more often has meant that attention has been taken off things such as education and more attention spent to "trippin". The reason I myself do not do drugs is more of a self boundry thing rather then fearing the effects.

While marijuana may not be the root of all evil etc, it can change someones life style. If someone is not comfortable with that life style and further more disagrees with it on principle, then it seems reasonable to want to seperate oneself from it.

The point I had on my school being considered a stoner school was more the frequent use of drugs. I was saying most people do weed frequently while there are a large class of people who do harder drugs. As it is, I'd say our reputation is a little misplaced as it focus more on a small minority of hard drug users in the school. Compared to many other places in the world, I'm sure my school is fairly light weight however the social pressure of taking harder drugs is there. By harder I am refering to drugs with a more serious effect on the body and a less common acceptance of it in society.

 

[Gay-Guy]

I understand how some people see marijuana as something which isn't a big deal....for a lot of people alcohol isn't a big deal.

I don't dispute the argument that these things in moderation are ok....that there is no big deal.

However...from where I come from....it is a big deal....because it is something that encourages the minority group to stay as the minority.

In places where there is poverty there is often a lack of power. With the lack of power comes frustration. That frustration can lead to unsociable behaviour. Unsociable behaviour is often supported by stimulants or depressants that blur the reality...because the reality of poverty and powerlessness can be quite hard to stomach.

Talking generally:
Alcohol and Marijuana may be taken in moderation by folk who are better off in society...but amongst those who have nothing going for them it is seen as an escape.

Anyway I live in a poor area in NZ with people who are seen as poorer amongst kiwis. Using school speak my area would be classed as Decile 1. The richest areas in NZ having a decile 10 rating.

I realise alcoholism and drug abuse are the symptoms of underlying issues for those from my area and that the answer is to address the issues if there is to be change. I also realise that my GF always goes back to marijuana and cigarettes when things are not going well in her life. At the moment she does not feel happy about her situation. She is out of a job and feels alienated from society. Therefore she turns to dope and cigs as a comfort.

My dillema is trying to decide whether to drop her for that....or to get to the root of the problem.

There was a period for a year when she was really happy about us and about life....she gave up smoking and stoppped taking drugs. I have to admit it was a time when I said "I love you" everyday...something I don't do anymore.

I often blame her for not being good enough.....i sometimes wonder if I am compounding the problem by highlighting her shortcomings....as if I drive her back to her addictions.

Perhaps I do....

Maybe I should just focus on the positives.....perhaps she would have given up cigs and dropped dope if I built her up to be more than a smoker doper.

Then there are times when I think that building her up to be something amazing is futile...that once a addict always an addict. Sometimes I think I am wasting my time because it looks like I am trying to control her.

Anyway....I an still thinking....

 

[gingergenius]

Iversen, the only specific drug I'm into is alcohol so don't try and dismiss my opinion as biased straightaway.

Gay Guy points out very well that poor people in his area use drugs as an escape - fair enough, I see his point of view 100%.

 

[alexrugby]

I will be 40 this year and am at this point in my life wanting to go down the road of being a community leader. I live in NZ and in South Auckland which is full of brownies (Islanders/Maoris). Most of my people have lost a lot of their pride and live week to week in addictive behaviour. They have little ambition when it comes to furthering themselves and have little belief in themselves. A lot of them can't make the break out of this mentality because they drink too much or get stoned a lot. I want to help people in my area get out of the poverty trap that leads to a drunk and drugged out existence. Basically I want to help Maori and Pasifika people in NZ recapture their pride before they discovered alcohol and drugs.

I seem to therefore feel agrieved going out with someone who has been pro marijuana all her life. She will not give it up for me...she has tried but she felt unhappy. She feels I am controlling her by giving her guilt trips about smoking dope. I feel I am trying to help her as I believe she has never risen to her potential as a result of being a long term dope smoker. This is where we are at loggerheads.

I feel I am being held back in my resolve to move towards eldership in the community as the things I am passionately against are the things she is passionately for.

She says it is good to be in a relationship where beliefs are different because it challenges you to think.....however I see it as a hindrance.

Anyway....I feel I am not growing at all to be the person I would like to be...believe I should be. As you can imagine when you are not doing something you want to do....I am not happy about life.

She is a lovely lady, very accomodating.....and the sex is great...but I have a passion in where I want to go in life...and she has no passion for it at all....in fact...she sees all leaders as controlling people.

Anyway.....I am still with her because it is comfortable....but it is slowly killing me inside. I would suffer quite a bit if I dropped her....sex would be the first thing I would miss....then companionship....etc....but it seems that I would not reach my goals in life if I stayed with her.

Anyway...your thoughts?

well you have aims and goals (I mean caring about your people) which demand great self-sacrifice from you

It's always hard to be a leader, and if you feel you will walk this way and never feel unhappy for all social messages sent to you, and keep taking care about your people, it means you deserve that social level

also... just forget about your social aims and let's thin k about your relation with GF:

if girl says she loves you and is never going to give up with a grass, **** it's funny and not serious, also arguing that sex seems more pleasant with smoke.... damn I guess we have some distorted mentality on focus now

I do not want to seem very though, but in your place I would start dating with another, healthier-minded girl, whose children are devoid of smoking habits and who would support me in my life-activities

cheers