Make me Laugh, TRF

[TRF_Ezequiel]

Definitely the second one, since the first one needs at least 1 W

 

[TRF_Ezequiel]

An Indonesian guy at work really cracked me up by mentioning a different version to the famous "once you go black, you never go back".

He said: "Once you go Asian, you never go Caucasian"

That was freakin' hilarious!

 

[Dizzy]

Three men are about to have lunch at work.
The first man opens his sandwiches and he has ham sandwiches. He says,
"Damn it, my wife knows I hate Ham, if she makes me Ham sandwiches again tomorrow I'm going to jump off this cliff and kill myself"

The second man opens his sandwiches and he has steak sandwiches, he says,
"Darn it, my wife knows I hate Steak if she makes me Steak sandwiches again tomorrow I'm going to jump off this cliff and kill myself"

The third man opens his sandwiches, and he has tuna sandwiches, he says,
"God damn, my wife knows I hate tuna, if she makes me tuna sandwiches tomorrow, I'm gonna jump off this cliff and kill myself"

The next day rolls around, and at lunch time they all have the same sandwiches as the day before and kill themselves for it. The news crew are getting the reactions of their wives.

First mans wife sobbing in absolute agony and tears "If I knew he was going to kill himself, I wouldn't have packed ham"
Second mans wife also sobbing in absolute agony and tears "If I knew he was going to kill himself I never would have packed steak"
Third mans wife is looking utterly stubborn and slight hint of frustration she says to the crew
"I don't know why the heck he killed himself, he makes his own god damn lunch"

 

[Dizzy]

Some oldies but goodies, from the 2005 British & Irish Lions tour

► The tour took place just a few years after the world wide panic about anthrax and white powdery substances. The Lions were training at Eden Park when some of the players reported seeing some suspicious looking white substance on the grass. The players were quickly whisked away and the anti-terrorist Hazardous Substances Squad were called in to investigate. After about 2 minutes, the squad chief called the Lions coach over, and told him that what his players had found was the "try-line", but that they shouldn't worry about it too much because they were unlikely to see it again.

► There are two man-made objects on the Earth's surface that are visible from orbit;
1. The Great Wall of China.
2. The Gap in the Lions Back-line.

► As the Lions ran out onto Eden Park for their last training run before the third and final test, coach Ian McGeechan told them to get set up in their usual positions. They all instinctively lined up under the posts waiting for the conversion.

And finally, and unrelated joke :

Q: What is the hardest thing about liking Corona
A: Telling your father that you are Gay

Hillarious

 

[Dizzy]

 

[Seaton]

I've just read a book/ report that lists and details every law and act that Julius Malema has violated.

It's ***led 'The South African Constitution'

 

[TRF_Ezequiel]

Quick, before it expires:

Q: What do you call a group of 15 guys sitting around a tv set watching the rugby world cup final?
A: The All Blacks

 

[TRF_Ezequiel]

A man's body was found in the harbour wearing an All Blacks jumper, pink panties, fishnet stockings and a dildo up his arse. Police removed the jumper to avoid any embarrassment to his family.

 

[TRF_Olyy]

I bought a dog from the blacksmiths

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

 

[Seaton]

I've draped a Saltire on my dog the now.

If anyone asks, I'll tell them its a Scottwieler

 

[TRF Mr Fish]

Two boys are playing with a rugby ball on the street outside Eden Park in Auckland , when one is attacked by a vicious pit bull.
Thinking quickly, the other boy grabbed a stick and wedged it under the dog's collar and twisting it he luckily broke the dog's neck and stopped the attack.

A reporter strolling by sees the incident and rushes to interview the boy.

"Young Warrior Fan Saves Friend," he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not a Warriors fan," the little hero replied.

"Sorry, since we're in Auckland , I assumed you were," and starts again.

"All Black Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack,...." he writes.

"I'm not an All Black fan either!" the boy said.

"I thought everyone in Auckland was either a Warriors or All Blacks fan. . . . . so what team DO you root for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Roosters and Wallaby fan!", the child beamed.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,

"Little ******* from Australia Kills Beloved Family Pet."

 

[TRF Mr Fish]

Went to the pub with my Thai girlfriend last month back in Ozzie. Locals were shouting paedophile and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 60. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

 

[shtove]

Went to the pub with my Thai girlfriend last month back in Ozzie. Locals were shouting paedophile and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 60. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

That's actually a true story.

 

[TRF Mr Fish]

That's actually a true story.

Do tell?

 

[shtove]

Do tell?

Crap. Irony fail!

 

[Seaton]

I LOVE this advert!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkH95yTRzUg

 

[Dizzy]

two boys are playing with a rugby ball on the street outside eden park in auckland , when one is attacked by a vicious pit bull.
Thinking quickly, the other boy grabbed a stick and wedged it under the dog's collar and twisting it he luckily broke the dog's neck and stopped the attack.

A reporter strolling by sees the incident and rushes to interview the boy.

"young warrior fan saves friend," he starts writing in his notebook.

"but i'm not a warriors fan," the little hero replied.

"sorry, since we're in auckland , i assumed you were," and starts again.

"all black fan rescues friend from horrific attack,...." he writes.

"i'm not an all black fan either!" the boy said.

"i thought everyone in auckland was either a warriors or all blacks fan. . . . . So what team do you root for?" the reporter asked.

"i'm a roosters and wallaby fan!", the child beamed.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes,

"little ******* from australia kills beloved family pet."

hahahahaa

 

[SelimNiai]

What did Belgium say when Holland challenged it to a game of paintball?



No thanks, I "Bruges" easily.

 

[M Two One]

 

[TRF_Ezequiel]

I failed a Health & Safety Course at work today.
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"freakin' large ones" was apparently the wrong answer!!!