To my dearest wife. Herewith follows the rules of access to the remote control and other rules that will apply during the RWC. Please note that these rules may in no way be discussed or broken. Failure to follow any of these rules will result in me fetching my .308 Sako Forrester hunting rifle and ending your life. End of discussion. 1- During the entire period of the RWC, the remote control for the TV, satellite and the DVD recorder will remain my sole property. Absolutely no single exception will be made. Not even for soapies. And no, just because I`ve already watched a particular match, doesn`t mean that I don`t have to watch the replay, and the highlights package. 2- During the entire RWC period, you will not be allowed to move in front of the TV. Not even if you`re naked. Or performing vile sexual acts with Keira Knightley. Absolutely no exceptions to this rule. If one of our kids crawls in front of the TV, you`ll be allowed to crawl after it, but that`s it. 3- During the entire period of the RWC, all domestic duties will be handed over to you. And that includes the garden. So if our lawn starts to resemble the Okavango Delta, by all means mow it yourself. Just not while I`m watching, as the noise will prove quite unacceptable. 4- In addition to all the household chores, you will be required to ensure a constant supply of Castle Lager, Johnny Walker whiskey, and of course biltong and boerewors. 5- For the entire period of the RWC, there will be no talking while I`m watching a game. You will only be allowed to ask me if I need a refill for my drink. And then only during breaks in play. And please, in the unlikely event of my team losing a match, do NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to console me by saying something like "It`s only a game." 6- During the entire period of the RWC, our social life will come to an end. Do not even ask if we can go to some or other dinner party. The only exception to this rule will be when one of my mates invites us over for a braai to watch the rugby. Then we`ll be required to leave in a flash. 7- Any form of illness from your side will not be tolerated during this period. If you have an ailment, FFS just toughen up, and wait `till after the RWC before you go to the doctor. So, do you guys reckon I`ll get away with it? Discuss.