• Help Support The Rugby Forum :

Joke thread

B

Black|Raven

Guest
Originally posted by myusernameisprettybland@Aug 23 2005, 06:48 PM
May have heard these... but what the heck

How do you stop your wife from changing the channel?
Shorten the leash from the kitchen

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark
heard them......and never will forget


CLASSIC!!!!
 
S

Steve-o

Guest
The only rugby joke i've ever read...

An old couple goes to bed. They no sooner hit the pillows when the old man farts and says, "Seven points." His wife rolls over and says, "What the hell was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart Rugby." A few munites later his wife lets one go and says, "Try and conversion... 7 all". After about 5 minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Penalty... 10 points to 7." Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Penalty... 10 all." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Drop goal, I lead 13 to 10." Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard, but to no avail. Realising defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally he shits in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, change sides."

 
S

Steve-o

Guest
A man notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. He knows his co-worker to be a conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense'. He says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Dont make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiously prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my car."
 
B

Black|Raven

Guest
An obviously gay flight attendant who was just as obviously enjoying himself was serving a plane’s cabin. He came swishing down the aisle and said through the PA, "Captain Harvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that one of the women hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
The flight attendant responded, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put up the tray, Bitch."
 
B

Black|Raven

Guest
A young guy bought himself a shiny new motorcycle covered with nickels and bright chrome. He asked the salesman, ‘what can I do to protect it from rust?’ the salesman replied ‘when it starts to rain, immediately put petroleum jelly on all the shiny parts’.
Soon after, his girlfriend invited him for a big family gathering at her parent’s house. On the day of the event, he parked his new motorcycle outside and went in to see that there were over 80 guests at the table. The girl’s father explained to him that ‘in our house, there is a custom; the one who says the first word after the food has to wash all the dishes.’ The moment everyone finished eating, there was complete silence. For two hours no one said a word. Finally, the boy had enough; he moved some dishes
aside, laid his girlfriend on the table and banged her in front of everyone. No one said a word. Another half hour passes, the boy takes the girl’s mother and does the same thing to her. Again, no one dares to speak. Suddenly it begins to rain so the boy pulls out the petroleum jelly out of his pocket. Seeing that, the girl’s father said: ‘you won, I’ll do the dishes’.
 
S

sambãd5

Guest
Originally posted by Black|Raven@Aug 31 2005, 09:14 PM
A young guy bought himself a shiny new motorcycle covered with nickels and bright chrome. He asked the salesman, ‘what can I do to protect it from rust?’ the salesman replied ‘when it starts to rain, immediately put petroleum jelly on all the shiny parts’.
Soon after, his girlfriend invited him for a big family gathering at her parent’s house. On the day of the event, he parked his new motorcycle outside and went in to see that there were over 80 guests at the table. The girl’s father explained to him that ‘in our house, there is a custom; the one who says the first word after the food has to wash all the dishes.’ The moment everyone finished eating, there was complete silence. For two hours no one said a word. Finally, the boy had enough; he moved some dishes
aside, laid his girlfriend on the table and banged her in front of everyone. No one said a word. Another half hour passes, the boy takes the girl’s mother and does the same thing to her. Again, no one dares to speak. Suddenly it begins to rain so the boy pulls out the petroleum jelly out of his pocket. Seeing that, the girl’s father said: ‘you won, I’ll do the dishes’.
oldie but a goodie!
 
S

Spikey

Guest
HEY HEY HEY HEY GUYS so how have you been?????


I am SO sorry i havnt been on as much as i said i would but i am here now, Sitting in a Internet cafe in SilverWaters Crossings, its a place in Pretoria for all you over the seas ppl.


just want to say i MISS YA ALL. and that i will be visiting more often.

*KISS *KISS to all

Hope ya didnt miss me to much
 
K

kaftka

Guest
Who are you?

Oh you're that snob that left us for what? A job or something? Whatever...


Na only joking, it's about time you showed your face around here again. A lot has changed since you left.
 
B

Black|Raven

Guest
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
 
B

Black|Raven

Guest
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them.
"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
Sure," they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.
"Here are my tools."
That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his
house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her... He's naked as well! That bitch!" He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.Then the neighbor, he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes
"Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently.
"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..."
 
S

sambãd5

Guest
i went to christchurch the other day, ive never been to a place like it, well i have, ive been there a few times, and its getting f***ing worse that place. wipe your feet on the way out of christchurch. i was talking to this old bloke there and i asked him what he did, and he said "well we hunt and we f***" and i replyed "what do you hunt?" "things to f***"

so i said, well you must be board shitless here, what do you do for fun? "well there was this american tourist that got lost in the farms once, so we found her, f***ed her and brought her back"

ohh yeah, i said, what else? "well once my brothers prize breeding sheep got lost, so we found it, f***ed it and brought it back"

oh well if thats a 'good fun' thing to do, what stuff do you do that isnt so erm fun then?

"ohh once i got lost in the farms"
 
S

sambãd5

Guest
i kid you not, but this is a true story about my nana.

ok so, my grandpa right, like normal people, he hates coro st. hes one of those old fogies, that watch the news, then homes, but unlike most old people, he bloody hates coro st. but my nana loved it. and she often use to sneak off and watch it by herself, and she use to get into arguments with grandpa about it and stuff. and one day. and one day, they had a big argument about it, but then my nana she said "ok then, i promise i wouldnt be caught dead watching it" but sure enough, she still snuck out and watched it so often. and i think grandpa knew this, but anyway, one day, she snuck off to watch it, and it turns out that it was dead boring, because she watched it, and fell asleep after, and concequencly died that night, which is sad, but it just proves its dead boring that show!

what a way to go though. leaving in class!
 
S

sambãd5

Guest
yea... well in the morning with the tv still on after she watched it that night
 
Top